The song that simply will not die

It’s the one song guaranteed to make even the most devoted of mothers regret ever having children. We just can’t Let it Go, can we ladies?

The cold may never have bothered you, Elsa, but the melodic plague you unleashed on parents more than two years ago has certainly bothered them. (Pic: Frozen)

How was your Mother’s Day?

Mine was amazing, thank you — I woke up to find my husband had hired an orchestra to perform in our lounge room!

Yes, there I was in my silk peignoir, my hair freshly brushed and tied with a blue ribbon, the scent of Lily of the Valley playing faintly on my skin, which is how I wake up every morning, when I heard the unmistakeable sounds of a playful piccolo coming from beneath my bedroom door.

No, wait, that wasn’t me, that was Kim Kardashian, whose husband Kanye West really did hire an orchestra to serenade his wife and mother of his children upon awakening on Mother’s Day.

And I’d just like to say, on behalf of my husband and all the other husbands and fathers out there, thank you Kanye.

Yes, thanks very much for making their efforts of a bit of burnt toast and the paper unwrapped seem a little underwhelming in comparison.

But you know what?

I would still prefer my lovely breakfast in bed, and some handmade gifts and cards to what Kim received, and you know why?

Because guess what song Kanye chose for Kim to wake up from her lovely slumber to?

Let it Go.

Yes, Let it Go from the movie Frozen, because the one thing that mothers the world over really, really want for Mother’s Day is to hear that song again.

We can’t get enough of Let it Go, can we girls?

We spend our whole lives saying, “Oh, you’re putting on Let it Go again? Wonderful darling, let’s sing it together, shall we? No wait, better yet you sing it to me, and I’ll just listen, because I really need to learn those lyrics, don’t I? And then later, on the way to kindy, let’s play it in the car, and then how about for your concert, your whole class performs it for the parents, and then when we get home, let’s put the movie on so we can just keep singing it, only this time, let’s act out the parts, then later when you go to bed, why don’t you ask me to sing it to you before you go to sleep?”

I’m sorry, but was Kanye West actually trying to kill Kim Kardashian?

Because that is the only explanation I can come up with for waking up a woman on Mother’s Day of all days with Let it Go, the song that, more than two years after the movie, will not die.

Let us, for a minute imagine Mother’s Day at the Kardashian/West mansion.

Kim has just woken up, her hair fanned out attractively on her pillow in a heart shape, in case she wants to take an Instagram photo later, when suddenly she cocks her ears.

Something is not right in the house. In fact, something is horribly, horribly wrong.

Wait, what was that? No, it can’t be... but it is, AND IT’S COMING FROM RIGHT OUTSIDE HER BEDROOM DOOR!!!!!!...

“The snow glows white on the mountain tonight, not a footprint to be seen... ”

And there it is, the one song that is guaranteed to make even the most devoted of mothers regret ever having children.

Oh there are others, depending on your motherhood vintage — one woman I know, now in her 60s, told me that after The Wheels on the Bus first came out, she and her kindy cohort of mothers would sing that last chorus as “the Mothers on the bus shout ‘Kill Me Now, Kill Me Now, Kill Me Now’ all the way back home”.

Similarly, another mum says hearing the Hokey Pokey makes her want to Hokey Pokey herself in the eye with an ice pick.

Personally, I could do without ever hearing Der Glumph, I’m A Little Teapot, If You’re Happy and You Know It and B.I.N.G.O, which frankly drives me S.P.A.R.E, ever again.

But none of them compare to Let it Go, which apparently none of us can.