The seven types of mothers we all know too well

From the high achieving mother who gets it all done without breaking a sweat, to the new-age mum who mills her own flour, we all know at least one of these ladies, writes Frances Whiting. Which one are you?

Happy Mother’s Day. To acknowledge this day, let’s take a stroll through the motherhood, shall we?

See if you can recognise yourself, or your mother, or just a mother you know in any of the following descriptions. By the way, I think I’ve been all of these mothers at some point and sometimes all of them in one day.

The Earth Mother

“Hi, it’s Misty here, Coriander’s mum. Great thanks, how are you? Just letting you know that I’m going to send along some gluten-free, dairy-free, soya-bean curd and pinto bean biscuits with Coriander to your house this afternoon. And her harmonica.”

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T he Activewear Mother

“God, Amber’s SoulCycle class is soo amazing. Belinda and I ran there this afternoon and it was killer! Are you doing the coastal walk this year? Yeah I am too, with Kate, but we’re going to run it. It’s the weekend after the Noosa Tri, but I’m only doing the cycling leg so it should be fine. Hey, you should come to our fierce women’s rowing class. Wait, are you crying?”

We’ve all known the women of Big Little Lies. Picture: Jennifer Clasen/HBO

The Passive Aggressive P and C Mother

“Could you all please start sending in your hemmed material squares for our centenary rug? Rowena and I have made quite a few ourselves, but we can’t be expected to make them all. Rowena has been quite unwell since curating the art show, and could those of you who have still not collected the items you bidded for on the night please do so immediately? I need the space to clean the room out for the holiday craft classes. Volunteers needed please! And bring cake!”

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The Swear Bear Mother

“@#$%, I’m so @#$%@ tired, I can barely @$%@#$ stand up. Have you made a @#$%@#$ costume for $%#$% Book Week yet? I $$%%$ hate @$#%@# Book Week, don’t you? It’s @#$%#$.”

There’s the P & C costume party mum in every school. Picture: Twitter/HBO

The “Humble Brag” Mother

“That’s so great your boy Thomas got into the Cs for soccer. I think that’s so much better than being in the As, don’t you. Tristram is in all the A teams, and there’s just so much pressure. I was saying to him at his Junior United Nations meeting the other day that he really needs to cut back, but being captain of the debating team, he had an answer for that, of course! But it’s so wonderful your Tom got into the Cs. Is he happy with that? Because you
know, as Rodney and I always tell Tristram, all that really matters to us is that he’s happy.”

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The Unbelievably Capable Mother

“Hi Marg, I’m glad I ran into you, your Maggie was admiring Saskia’s library bag the other day, and I thought you might like me to run up one for her as well. No, it’s no trouble, I haven’t got much on at the moment because the law firm is very quiet this time of year. Listen, would Maggie like to come for a sleepover on Saturday night? Saskia and I hand-sewed this fun calico teepee on the weekend, and I think the girls would really love it. Wait, are you crying?”

The Every Mum

Just doing the best she can, in the best way she can.