Phone-addicted parents are harming their kids

Parents are so busy with devices they now don’t notice their kids getting into danger, writes Kylie Lang. Parents, get off your phones and focus on your kids — before it’s too late.

Don’t take your kids to a cafe then ignore them.

Don’t take them anywhere at all, in fact, if all you’re going to do is sit on your stupid phone.

To the father who didn’t once look up from his mobile to engage with his three little girls as they waited for their order to arrive this week, let me say, what a fool you are.

What could be more important than making the most of the time you have with your children? What was so intriguing that it couldn’t wait?

The girls were young, the oldest about nine, and they were bored stiff. Unlike dad, they didn’t have devices to transfix them. But to their credit, and thanks to some form of decent parenting somewhere along the way, they didn’t run amok and become a nuisance to other patrons. They simply sat there.

My heart broke, for them and for the lost opportunity for spontaneous chatter, giggles and easy relationship building, because what these kids were being told was that they mattered less than whatever was on that phone.

And I get it, we can’t be focused on our children 100 per cent of the time, but to give them zero attention is a disgrace.

It can also be dangerous.

New research shows parents who are stuck on devices are not only depriving their offspring of interaction but also risking developmental issues.

While parents are focusing on devices they’re unaware of what their children are up to, which could lead to physical and the risk of developmental issues. Picture: iStock

The Monash University study observed 70 parents with their children for more than 33 hours in food courts at Melbourne shopping centres.

Disturbingly, 80 per cent ignored their child for more than 10 minutes in favour of their phone.

One baby fell out of a pram, other kids wandered off, and one father turned his back on his son for almost two hours at an indoor playground.

But this one really gets me. One girl sat quietly for 20 minutes while her father was glued to his phone before she got up, walked over and hugged him. The man didn’t so much as look up.

It’s not hard to draw a link to potential emotional problems for these otherwise abandoned children.

Their ability to relate well to others might be compromised and, as researcher Carrie Ewin notes, their early language development also may be stunted, something that has been picked up in previous studies.

It hinges partly on the tone and inflection of the adult to child conversation, which tends to be lilting, gentle and enthusiastic. Psychologist Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, from Temple University, calls it a “conversational duet”, but when the interaction is cut short by the checking of a phone, the child’s learning stops.

Researcher Carrie Ewin notes that children’s early language development may be stunted if they’re ignored by parents who are focused on devices. Picture: Susan Windmiller

In 2006 Hirsh-Pasek, with Margaret Burchinal from the University of North Carolina, took the analysis further.

The pair looked at how the sensitivity and responsiveness of parental caregiving from aged six months to six years influenced academic outcomes at the start of formal schooling.

No surprises, really, but the kids who’d had better quality care did better at school — in all the key areas of language, literacy, mathematical competencies, and attention.

What’s the bet they also were more socially aware, empathetic and able to regulate their emotions?

Earlier this year, a Sunday Mail/Seven News poll of almost 2000 Queensland parents found that children’s screen time was a major cause of family fights.

Almost half of the mums and dads said they were talking less to their kids as a result of this discord, but what if we flipped this over? I wonder how many parents stop to examine their own use of technology and the kind of example they are setting.

How irritable do they become when a child interrupts their screen time?

With Australian adults spending more hours on electronic devices than they do eating, commuting, working and exercising combined, according to Lonergan Research, the problem is real.

And it is so much worse than it was 20 years when former Apple executive Linda Stone coined the phrase “continuous partial attention”. Stone contended that when people were being bombarded with different streams of information and demands on their time, they could never give their full attention to one thing.

Sadly, these days, too many parents are giving their kids no attention at all, and at times when it is easiest to do so, like sitting in cafes. Little acts of care carry a big impact. Put your phone on silent and start tuning in.

Kylie Lang is an associate editor of The Courier-Mail.

@kylie_lang