Not groping: a manual for everyone

I HAVE a general policy of not groping men, even when they’re topless, writes Jill Poulsen. Here’s how I manage it.

The man runs up to grope Madeline Anello-Kitzmiller.

WHEN I was a kid we used to put body glitter everywhere… well almost everywhere.

I can’t count how many photos I have at home where my face looks like a shiny, spectacular disco ball.

Then, for some stupid reason, the trends moved on and body glitter made way for Kardashian-esque contouring. Snore.

Now it’s back, with a slightly modern twist, and I’m thrilled.

Glittery faces are en vogue again and so are glitter boobs!

I think it looks rad, not that you’ll spot me loitering around music festivals with my boobs covered only in glitter because, frankly, gravity is no friend of mine.

It would be a safety hazard for any small children who might be standing close to me and in today’s litigious climate one simply can’t risk it.

But judging by the online reaction to a woman who had her breast grabbed at a New Year’s Eve music festival in New Zealand not everyone shares my excitement.

Madeline Anello-Kitzmiller, 20, from the US was seen walking through a field with her chest covered in glitter at the Rhythm and Vines festival when a man ran up behind her.

He grabbed her breast before running off and taking a seat on the grass.

She retaliated by hitting him across the head and back as her friend poured a drink over him.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking everyone will have the same reaction to a situation as you so every now and then I like to put my eyeballs through the pain of reading comments on stories like this one.

While I expected there to be the odd “she was asking for it” type comments I was blown away by the amount of people laying into the girl.

As the rest of the world tries to move on to a brighter, more equal future following the Weinstein scandal and the #metoo movement there appears to be a few of us left lagging behind.

So, as a bit of a community service I’m going to try and respond to some of the more “backwards” commenters.

1. “If you all want to run around like the old ‘Woodstock’ days then that’s what happened … maybe the poor guy had (taken) something he shouldn’t have? Maybe next time at an event where there is alcohol and substances think twice about getting your kit off??”

Dear brent 1, whether the “poor” guy had taken drugs or not doesn’t really excuse his behaviour. While the conclusion you’ve jumped to there is that to grab a person’s body without their consent you’d have to be off your face is a reasonable one it doesn’t really cut it. If someone chooses to consume drugs or alcohol that’s cool but they still need to take responsibility for their actions.

So I’ve helped you rewrite your comment: “Maybe next time at an event where there is alcohol and substances think twice about touching someone’s body without their permission??”

You’re most welcome.

Katie Ashworth, 18 (left), and Madeline Anello-Kitzmiller had their chests painted at a stall at the Rhythm & Vines Festival. (Photo: Supplied)

2. “Sometimes the victim IS to blame. If I left my house savings in an unlocked briefcase out on the street, and it got stolen, does that make me as evil as the person who stole it? No, of course it doesn’t, but it DOES make me f---king stupid!”

Hello Rawmeat, firstly, the victim is NEVER to blame.

I too am a fan of analogies and I appreciate that you’ve tried to use one here. However, I’m not sure that a woman’s body can likened to a briefcase full of cash. In fact, I’m sure it can’t.

Let me put it in terms you might understand. Does excusing the behaviour of someone who assaulted a female make me as evil as the perpetrator? No, of course it doesn’t but it DOES make me f---king stupid!

3. “She is to be blamed. She provoked drunkard men by walking half naked in front of them.”

Dearest Muna Breik, You’re right, drunkard men are the absolute worst. But it’s not up to women to live their lives trying not to provoke drunkard men.

I want to share with you a little story. I was at a bar recently, quite close to the beach, and I was very excited to reunite with some old friends and before too long I found myself a little drunkard.

Every five minutes a buff surfer type was walking past my table, within groping distance, and despite feeling very provoked by their behaviour in my drunkard state I managed not to stretch out my arm and grab one of their boobs. Do you know why? because I’m not a predator. It really is that simple, drunkard or not.

If you find yourself having trouble navigating the brave new world and don’t want to end up in a viral Facebook video sexual assaulting someone feel free to send me an email and I can provide you all the advice you’ll need not to be a sexual predator.

Jill Poulsen is a senior reporter at The Courier-Mail.

@jill_poulsen