Minding your own business is overrated

WE’RE taught to mind our own business, but sometimes it’s good to be nosy, writes Jane Fynes-Clinton. A little bit of nosiness can tell someone you care.

WE are a walk on by society.

We walk past our obligations and duck past opportunities to help. We walk on by suffering.

We have become specialists in adhering strictly to the notion that if does not involve us, it does not concern us: Not my circus. Not my monkeys.

To that I say phooey. Other people’s business does sometimes involve us because we are only as strong as our weakest link.

It does concern us because we are letting our responsibility slide and leaving our people in peril.

It concerns us for selfish reasons too, because our sense of security has been rattled, our communities feel less safe, and our people are falling through unnoticed, sometimes permanently.

Sometimes all it would take to help someone in trouble is a simple query if they are OK.

Be nosy. Involve yourself.

Stick your beak in, speak up to authorities, reach out, offer to help and mean it.

I am not advocating for stepping between a cocked fist and a stranger’s face, nor exacting revenge on a friend’s say-so. Those actions would be foolhardy.

But we must reverse the tendency towards ignoring a stranger in obvious trouble, or a friend or acquaintance in distress because we feel it is nothing to do with us.

Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk pleaded for it in Parliament this week, saying there was too much violence at the hands of those closest and too many people suffering in the shadows.

Passers-by during Melbourne’s CBD car rampage in 2016 bucked the trend and quickly ran to help stricken pedestrians. (Pic: Tony Gough)

In the “do something” campaigns such as this Domestic and Family Violence Prevention Month, we hear seemingly endless stories and they always seem to apply to someone else in another social group, another suburb, another income bracket.

But we all know people who are subject to physical or psychological violence. It is not a matter of inserting yourself into their predicament, but of coming alongside the person in trouble, telling them you noticed and care.

I have spoken up three times to friends who, through conversation, revealed they were in unhealthy and sometimes perilous domestic situations. Each time, I started with “I am concerned about you. Are you OK?” and each time I was assured all was well.

But down the track, three times I was thanked for speaking up. Finding the words “not now, not ever” again can take a long time when love is also in the mix.

Reaching out costs nothing but care, but it can embolden a person at risk because they feel less alone.

But in this world of looking in on people’s lives via social media, we increasingly step back instead of forward.

For 50 years, there has been a recognised psychological phenomenon called the bystander effect or bystander apathy. And it is getting worse.

It has been proven that in the modern era, individuals are less likely to offer help to a victim when other people are present. The greater the number of bystanders, the less likely it is that any one of them will help.

Several factors contribute to the bystander effect, including the diffusion of perceived responsibility and a lack of community cohesiveness. Both are on display in full colour in our communities.

Dolly Everett’s devastated parents Kate and Tick Everett speak on A Current Affair.

The family of Northern Territory teenager Dolly Everett know the horrific, heartbreaking consequence of no one reaching out or speaking up for Dolly. To their credit, they are endeavouring to save others the agony of losing a loved one to isolation and pain.

Like them, we must walk the walk instead of just endlessly talking.

On Monday before dawn, there was a serious police incident in my street.

I was booted rudely into consciousness by noise and violence that clearly indicated people and property were at risk and did what I thought any responsible citizen would: I dialled 000.

I was called in to give a witness statement to investigating police later that morning and was told that my input and observation was valuable because most people did not want to become involved in a fracas or conflict, even if it went down on their doorstep.

I was floored. How anyone could live with their failure to speak when the cost was human harm is beyond me.

The peace of a community relies on trust, reciprocity and compassion.

Because some lack these qualities, the need is greater for the brave and the nosy to step up and reach out.

Dr Jane Fynes-Clinton is a journalist and journalism lecturer at the University of the Sunshine Coast.