Kylie Lang: We need to spread Christmas spirit all year round

Many people feel the best thing about Christmas is spending time with the people they care about the most. Which begs the question why do we don’t do it year round, writes Kylie Lang.

All-night shopping, crazy online deals, and predictions on how much we’ll spend this Christmas.

Well, you can take all this and shove it because, at the end of the day, the gift that people want most cannot be found under a tinselled tree.

You can’t buy love, and you can’t wrap it up.

Yet love is the thing we desire most and, sadly, the thing that eludes many.

At this time of year in particular, love manifests in time with family and friends.

It doesn’t matter who you are, what you believe, or what you do for a crust. It’s universal.

This hit home when I asked high-profile Queenslanders what they wanted for Christmas, for our Talk of the Town section today.

Answers started to become predictable, if expressed slightly differently.

Kangaroos coach Mal Meninga: “A nice break with my family without distractions.”

University of Queensland Vice-Chancellor Peter Hoj: “Time to play board games with the family”.

Brisbane Lord Mayor Adrian Schrinner: “A day with my whole family where the phone doesn’t ring once.”

Chef Alanna Sapwell: “Time with family and friends. There’s something very restorative about … just standing still for a moment with the people I care about most.”

Indeed, there is – it’s the best, actually.

Why do we wait until December 25 to do this? Picture: supplied

So it got me thinking … why do we wait for Christmas to enjoy what we should be making time for all year round?

Is it because we imagine our family will always be there? They won’t. Life goes by in a blink. People die. Tragedies happen. Families shrink.

Is it also that we fill our days with so much “stuff” – from the material possessions we acquire, almost compulsively, to the endless stream of commitments that we wear as a badge of honour?

We are so busy being busy that we forget to stop, breathe, and embrace those we cherish.

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As a mother, my heart hurts at times when I see the little boy who shadowed me everywhere now a young man who barely needs me.

I know the point of parenting is for kids to become independent and leave the nest, but an empty nest is just that. Empty.

As a daughter, I am thankful beyond words that my parents are alive and healthy – save for the “bits that are breaking down”, as my mother puts it.

But do I have enough time with these three very special humans throughout the year? No.

It’s been a decade since an article called “Regrets of the dying” went viral.

Palliative carer Bronnie Ware went on to write a best-selling memoir of the same name (since translated into 32 languages) and create something of a self-help empire.

Clearly, we humans are hungry to know how to live better.

Through her interactions with patients who had gone home to die, Ms Ware gleaned some common regrets.

Is it possible to carry the spirit of Christmas with you throughout the year? Picture: supplied

Here are two: I wish I didn’t work so hard, and I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Ms Ware said people “deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence”. They missed their children’s youth and the companionship of a partner.

They also had “deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved,” she said.

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“It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away.

“People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them.

“They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love.

“It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.”

Poignant as this is to read, we are foolish if we read it but do nothing.

Change isn’t easy, but loneliness is harder.

Tech whiz Steve Jobs had only 56 short years on this earth but he left behind some powerful messages.

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life,” Mr Jobs said after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at age 48, in 2003.

“Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.”

Spending time with those we love need not be a one-off Christmas treat.

By simplifying our lives and stripping away the superfluous, we can make more room for the people we cherish. Priceless.