I had a dad bod before they were cool, and I’d like some privacy too

YOU think rash vests are for safety? Think again. They’re the middle-aged bloke’s burkini, and we could use privacy curtains too, writes James Morrow.

If you have the chiselled chest of Bondi vet Chris Brown going shirtless at the beach is an option. For everyone else, there’s rash vests. (Pic: News Corp)

EARLIER this week it was reported that Auburn Council in Sydney’s west had installed “privacy curtains” at a new aquatic centre “so that Muslim women can swim without being seen by other(s)”.

Most commentators were naturally quick to paint this as yet another step on the slippery pool deck to sharia law. But it just may be that despite adhering to a modesty code more suited to pre-Medieval Arabia than 21st century Sydney, our local Islamic ladies auxiliary might be on to something.

After all, who among us wouldn’t like the luxury of a dip at the local pool without being gawked at?

It’s something I’ve been thinking about more and more, particularly since I joined the ranks of Australia’s well-fed and comfortable and (barely) middle-aged men since turning 40 last year(ish).

I understand Muslim women’s need for privacy while swimming. I’d like them to clear Bondi before I go for a dip. (Pic: News Corp)

As someone who had a dad-bod before dad-bod was cool, I fully sympathise with those who’d like to have a dip without putting it all on show for the neighbourhood.

And I am pretty sure I’m not the only one in this boat. The Australian male habit of wearing a rashie or T-shirt to the beach or pool may look like just another feature of our safety-first culture. But I suspect the reality is more that most blokes in their forties and fifties enjoy having an excuse not to go shirtless and risk someone whistling the theme song to “Shaun the Sheep” at them.

So if the good burghers of Auburn wish to indulge some imported notions of modesty, fine.

But if they’re going to go down this road perhaps all councils should put on special swims for everyone, including those of us of less-than-finely chiselled stature who can’t fall back on holy writ to make the case for special treatment. In the name of cultural sensitivity, they also ought to put on some Fox Sports or Sky News for us fellows, and perhaps relax the restrictions on poolside cigars as well.

The best part is it this would all be legal under Section 126 of the NSW Anti-Discrimination Act, which says that such accommodations can be granted “to provide people of a particular race with equal or improved access to facilities.”

“Sure,” I hear you saying, “but middle-aged sloth is not a race!”.

Well, technically. But if race is an intrinsic trait that cannot be changed, I put it to you that it’s a lot harder to stop being a fortysomething gent with a body by Penfold’s than it is to declare yourself an adherent of a particular faith.

Even so, as critics of Auburn’s move to provide sharia-compliant swims have pointed out, this sort of separation really isn’t on and cuts against not only our egalitarianism but also renewed pushes to ensure migrants are fully on board with Australia’s free and easy mixing of the sexes. In which case, I am prepared to put aside my demands for a special swim session from my local council, and instead invite my local Council to drop around my place and dig me a pool.

My civil rights, after all, depend on it.

James Morrow is the Daily Telegraph’s opinion editor.

Twitter: @pwafork

Originally published as I had a dad bod before they were cool, and I’d like some privacy too