A thank you to a man who changed his mind

IT started as a predictable conversation about men versus women, but this encounter at the gym went somewhere I never could have expected, writes Selina Steele.

THIS is a shout out to change.

And to the power of one man who found the strength to call himself out on his own shortcomings.

“It was a shitty thing to say... and I’m sorry,” he told me.

Succinct.

Earnest.

Courageous.

Days earlier, the man had been front and centre of some ‘locker room’ talk.

Except, we weren’t in a locker room, we were in a gym. A 24-hour gym that is a god send for shift workers, but due to the hours in which I visit, also often results in me being the only woman there.

On this particular day, the topic of conversation was Harvey Weinstein and how surely some of the women involved “wanted or asked” for the attention. And by attention, he meant sexual harassment.

The conversation then turned to women in general and how some women at the gym were clearly seeking attention (read: harassment) because of their clothing choices.

Sweet Baby J, I thought to myself. How do people (both men and women) still believe that clothing has weight in a conversation about sexual consent?

How can clothing remain the go-to scapegoat for sexual harassment or assault?

And then came the real kicker.

My new hero, front and centre of the locker room, (sorry, gym) had apparently been verballed for touching a woman’s hair and he was outraged.

A conversation about sexual consent happened in the strangest of places. (Pic: iStock)

In her mind, he’d crossed the line, hence the spray.

In his mind, he had every right to touch her. And it was only her hair.

This is where I couldn’t help myself. Call it the Weinstein-ripple effect. So many brave women had taken a stance, how could I remain silent?

When we had started chatting, I didn’t expect was the conversation to morph into unsolicited advice on what women should and shouldn’t wear and how female truck drivers shouldn’t be paid the same as male truck drivers despite skill and experience being the same.

I didn’t expect to be told how there needed to be a men’s movement because men were now the real victims.

The victim line was also used by actor Craig McLachlan this week when he was accused of indecent assault and sexual harassment during the 2014-run of the Rocky Horror Show.

At least four people have contacted police over McLachlan’s alleged behaviour. Three cast members from The Rocky Horror Show’s 2014 season claim they were indecently assaulted, abused, bullied and intimidated by the Gold Logie winner.

McLachlan has strenuously denied all the claims made against him.

“Frankly, they seem to be simple inventions, perhaps made for financial reasons, perhaps to gain notoriety,” McLachlan said.

At least one of the women, in turn, has expressly denied that money has anything to do with it.

But, I digress. Back to the gym.

Let the people run in peace. (Pic: supplied)

With the debate getting heated, I opted for a retreat and headed to the treadmill. Only to be followed to the treadmill for the onslaught to continue.

My planned 40 minute run, wrapped up in five minutes...

My fight response had slipped into flight.

A few days later when I was back at the gym, something wonderful happened.

My new hero, the hair toucher and treadmill stalker, again approached me.

I braced myself for round two and thought: “Should I just leave? Do I have to change gyms? Should I change my workout time to only when it’s daylight?”

But instead, there was self-awareness.

An apology.

He admitted he’d been part of a wolf pack and that the #metoo campaign had challenged him.

Instead of round two, I met a men a man strong enough to call himself out.

So a shout out to change, to a man who made himself vulnerable by speaking out.

And a shout out to hope.

That for every one person brave enough to speak out and share their story — and this conversation has only just begun — that it is creating change in everyday life, whether it be in the movie business, on the stage or in the gym.

It takes a brave woman to speak up, but so too the men who have the courage to change and reflect.

Thank you to the power of this one man. I no longer want to change gyms.

Selina Steele is the Deputy Head of News for News Corp’s News360.

@SelinaSteele

Originally published as A thank you to a man who changed his mind