What the elite Brisbane school you went to says about you
The school you went to says a lot if you ask Brisbane locals. But the private school circuit is exclusive and elusive, and we’re here to help decipher it.
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“Oh yeah, what school did you go to?” It’s a question frequently asked of those living in Brisbane. It rolls off the tongue right after “how are you?”.
Why? Because each elite school has its own culture and which one you attended is believed to determine the type of person you will become or already are.
Whether you graduated last year or several decades ago, one thing you can never escape is the school you went to – even though the choice wasn’t yours in the first place.
We’ve compiled a list of some of Brisbane’s top private schools and what they might say about you.
Brisbane Grammar School
The most prestigious school in Brisbane – unless of course you’re a Churchie old boy – Grammar aces every criteria of a great education.
Unless you’re one of the few enrolled on bursaries, your parents will be paying heavily for the privilege.
But if you’re not the sharpest tool in the shed, you should go elsewhere because Grammar boys know that academic performance rules.
They also think they’re the best at all sports – which isn’t true but don’t even try to pull BGS down a peg.
Grammar boys make connections that last a lifetime – which helps if you want to be a judge or a brain surgeon.
St Joseph’s Nudgee College
You went to Nudgee but you didn’t become a famous sports star? Hmmm, did you really go there?
Known for handing out sporting scholarships like lollies, Nudgee is a mixed bag when it comes to parental pedigree.
Sons of tradies and taxi drivers take the field alongside sons of doctors and wealthy farmers (Nudgee is also a boarding school).
But none of that matters when you can claim you went to Nudgee.
Nudgee old boys are so obsessed with Nudgee they think the fact they went to the school equates to the average person’s MBTI personality type.
Their loyalty to their school is only eclipsed by that of greatest rival, St Joseph’s Gregory Terrace.
If you go to Nudgee under no circumstances will be you be mates with a Terrace kid – and to think, they used to be the same school back in the day (Nudgee began in 1891 as the boarding campus of Terrace).
Saying you went to Nudgee will have influence in some social circles, but it’s not as prestigious as you might be led to believe when you’re wearing the blue and white.
Brisbane Girls Grammar School
They’d lose the “Girls” from their name if they could but then they’d be just like their brother school, and that wouldn’t do.
BGGS staff call their charges “students” because “girls” is just too prescriptive somehow.
Who knows what a BGGS student will become later in life but you can be sure it won’t be anything blue collar.
Your parents didn’t send you to Grammar to be anything but a leader in your field.
Stuartholme School College
Ever watched Chris Lilley’s Ja’ime Private School Girl? It’s scarily accurate when it comes to Stuartholme School.
Parents, social groups, clubs, the whole shebang.
Birkenstocks, Frank Green Water bottles, linen shirts and a holiday to Noosa every year are also all part of the “Stuartholme Old Girl” package.
Whether you grew up in a rural town or right here in Brisbane, this package is non-negotiable
Lots of Stuartholme girls started life as All Hallows’ girls but, shhh, don’t tell anyone.
All Hallows’ School
Possibly the most “woke” private school in Brisbane. If you went to All Hallows’ you’re bound to be an activist of some sort – whether you find yourself in politics or philanthropy.
Social justice is important to you, as it was ingrained in you before you even realised.
Politically correct, All Hallows’ girls (sorry, students) are quick to challenge social norms, often just to be seen to be challenging them.
What you really think about things if you went to AHS? Maybe you’ll work it out for yourself one day.
One thing’s certain, though, you’ll have to marry a Terrace old boy.
Anglican Church Grammar School
Churchie boys are unbeatable – just ask them.
While Grammar is quietly confident of its “top school” status, Churchie shouts it from the rooftops and its song of superiority can be heard all the way from East Brisbane to just about any other school in the city.
Churchie parents don’t mind paying exorbitant school fees because having a Churchie sticker on the rear window of your Porsche Cayenne matters.
With the school unashamedly chasing academic excellence, you won’t be going to Churchie if you’re not a D student.
Brisbane Boys’ College
No, just because you own a pair of R.M. Williams boots and had an Olympic grade gymnastics stadium at your school does not make you better than everyone else.
Neither does that ridiculous boater hat – we are not living beside the Thames, although BBC boys are known to like a bit of rowing.
Once graduated, the career options really open up – rugby union, rugby union or rugby union.
To be fair, football, league, track and field are also acceptable professions.
And if all else fails, you can also work at your parents’ accounting firm or become a property developer.
Somerville House
Just because you went to Snoberville House doesn’t mean you’ll become famous – but it’s a decent chance you’ll work in entertainment or TV.
Somerville girls pretend that butter doesn’t melt in their mouths which is saying something considering they’ve had to endure the fashion embarrassment of wearing that bright green dress during their formative years.
They like to believe their brother school is Churchie – but it’s not – that questionable honour belongs to St Margaret’s. But it’s fun watching the competition for partners come formal season.
St Joseph’s College Gregory Terrace
A stone’s throw from Brisbane Grammar but a million miles away.
If you’re a Terrace gentleman, you pride yourself on NOT going to Grammar – or that dreadful school called Nudgee.
You’re fiercely loyal to the red and black – uniform colours decided in a rugby match against Nudgee in 1891, a game your side lost and had to surrender the blue and white which Nudgee still wears today, but never mind.
Terrace boys like to think they have the greatest and loudest war cries on the sporting field – they don’t but ignorance is bliss.
If you went to Terrace it’s likely because your parents had the common sense to also value academic performance.
When it comes to girls, you are instructed to date only All Hallows’ girls but because you’re a Terracian, you can do what you please.
Loreto College
If you’re a Loreto College old girl chances are you went on to study law or medicine.
You likely often find yourself asking if you graduated from Brisbane’s best girl’s school or if you graduated from Brisbane’s best girl’s school at giving out signatures for having the wrong sock length.
Bonus points for Loreto College graduates if you joined your local country club and your husband wears Ralph Lauren, Polo or owns the Dior cologne.
Lourdes Hill College
The best thing about being an Lourdes Hill College girl is that you didn’t go to Loreto.
Rivalry between the two is fierce – and Loreto is the loser when it comes to school grounds and facilities.
Lourdes sits atop the cliffs at Hawthorne – trust the Catholics to snap up the best real estate.
LHC girls have a strong social conscience but aspire to climbing the social ladder by dating and one day marrying a Churchie boy.
Religious differences no biggie.
St Paul’s School
With a reputation as one of the best private co-ed learning schools in Brisbane there’s no doubt you have resentment (however big or small) towards Clayfield College which only became co-ed last year and is competing for that top spot (despite having some of the worst facilities of any private school).
You know you went to St Paul’s School if you went into politics.
Our own Premier went there (the school won’t let anyone forget it!).
You also probably hate Christmas. Who wouldn’t after having to wear a red and green uniform for the entirety of their schooling?
Padua College
“We aren’t like the other boys schools.” Yes you are.
Unfortunately, those who went to Padua think it is unique and different from the rest of Brisbane’s boys schools.
You also likely know all the best deals going on at KFC because it was right around the corner from where you went to school.
If while reading this the current six for $6.95 Hot & Crispy special came to mind, you can count yourself a true Padua old boy.
Marist College Ashgrove
The poor man’s Terrace, Marist still aims to bat above, despite rarely winning anything much in the sporting or academic realms.
Lots of Marist old boys have gone on to careers in law or politics.
If the first two options failed, you have likely started a music career during your midlife crisis and told everyone about that great pub gig the other night.
Unfortunately, the saying “two’s a party, three's a crowd” does not apply there.
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