Loving partner shares heartbreak as girlfriend abdomen ‘increases by three pant sizes’ due to Endo

A young couple has given a candid insight into the devastating impact a disease that affects one in seven women can have on everything from sex life to embarrassing work moments.

When the young woman he plans to marry is doubled over on the bathroom floor “writhing in pain”, Callum MacPherson feels helpless, aching to take away her agony.

But there’s nothing he can do to help the love of his life, Mary Houghton, other than hold and comfort her until the torture subsides.

Houghton, 29, has suffered from the debilitating symptoms of endometriosis for the past eight and half years – the pain and severity associated with it worsening each year.

“In the two years we have been living together, the symptoms have been constant … it’s been this constant dark cloud hanging over her,” Macpherson, 30, says.

“She’ll be on the bathroom floor writhing in pain – in 10 out of 10 pain; she’ll just get an attack of this really, really intense, stabbing pain and will have to lie on the floor as it is so bad.

“It seemingly comes out of nowhere and is incredibly scary … and really freaky. In addition to the intense pain, she’ll have chronic inflammation and fluid retention.

“It’s not just the intensity of how bad the pain can get, but its frequency. It’s really just about every week of the month – before her period, during her period and afterwards as well. It is constant.

“There is no rhyme or reason. She is in constant discomfort and always has some level of bloating … it consumes a huge portion of her mental space and constantly stresses her out.

“It’s really heartbreaking to watch as a partner … it’s tough because the person you love is hurting and you can’t fix it, nor can you fully relate to the pain because men don’t go through that same thing.”

Mary Houghton with her partner Callum MacPherson are determined to battle her fight with endometriosis together. Picture: Matt Loxton

A post by Mary Houghton. Picture supplied

The media and production officer says adding to his partner’s pain and frustration is her drive to live a fit and healthy lifestyle, and to make the most of this stage of her life.

“She’s conscious of being in the prime of her life and wants to ensure her body is the best it can be. She’s someone who takes really good care of herself, really cares about her appearance and she’s got this thing which is totally beyond her control … and she is desperately trying to find ways of controlling it,” he says.

“But it’s just there in some capacity at all times and, for her, there’s that real frustration in not being able to get relief, despite all these things she’s trying, to make her situation better.

“She tries to push it out of her mind and does so well to be as strong and resilient as she is. The mental toll it has taken over the years is brutal.

“I try to be supportive but feel frustrated that I can’t help her more or solve this thing … no one can at the moment, and that’s what makes it really tough.

“I can console her. I can hold her. I can reassure her. I can build her up. But I’m powerless to stop her suffering … there have been plenty of times where she is in tears and crying on my shoulder because (the disease) gets to her.

“We are, to an extent, at the mercy of it … if she’s really inflamed, or she’s in pain, then we need to adjust our lifestyle and what we can and can’t do accordingly, so that’s this whole other dimension that we do have to constantly work around that many other couples never have to think about.

“My perspective is always that I love her and care about her above all else. I just want her to be all right … for her to not feel like she’s letting me down in any way, or that she’s not everything that I hoped she would be, because she absolutely is but that’s something that weighs on her mind.

“Thank God it is not cancer but it is, for now, an incurable disease that just hangs over you … it is difficult to stay positive at times but she’s so resilient and she’s so strong – she’s got the best attitude and I’m really proud of her.

“I am absolutely optimistic if we keep putting effort and attention into endometriosis – there are some really clever people working hard to figure this out and some great research being done at SAHMRI (South Australian Health and Medical Research Institute) and elsewhere around Australia – we are going to see the situation improve.”

Endometriosis is a disease where tissue similar to the lining of the womb grows outside it in other parts of the body, generally worsening during menstruation.

National charity Endometriosis Australia estimates one in seven women is impacted by it with it manifesting in various forms and severity between women.

While it can be suspected, it can only be confirmed through a surgical procedure – a laparoscopy.

Houghton recently underwent that surgery which revealed she had “a severe case” of the disease, left undiagnosed for about a decade.

While her pain has marginally subsided since endometrial tissue was removed, her suffering continues.

Mary Houghton shows off her swollen belly post surgery. Picture: Supplied

A social media post by Mary Houghton. Picture: Supplied

Houghton says she is in pain “about 25 out of 30 days of the month”.

“Because my disease was growing for nearly a decade – with pain worse during ovulation – I’ve now got what they call ‘spastic gut’ … so, even though the lesions have been removed, my nerves are still firing and it’s in a very inflamed state,” she says.

“Unfortunately, for me, the symptoms are still almost as bad as they were before surgery … there is a feeling of helplessness, of not knowing if I am going to get better before, you know, I am no longer in my youth.”

She says while awareness of the disease is growing, it can be difficult for women to have their symptoms taken seriously.

She recalls being interstate many years ago and visiting a hospital’s emergency department in absolute agony only to be referred to a social worker who “demonstrated with her hands that some women just have a low pain tolerance – and that was me”.

She suspects even some friends have thought she was “a bit of a wuss” come period time.

“You can almost gaslight yourself into thinking that you’re crazy … that this chronic, relentless pain you are experiencing is all in your head,” she says.

“It can feel really isolating.”

There are physical implications too, which, for Houghton, a human resources professional, include a “huge, distended abdomen”.

“As a young woman, you want to feel good … so (that aspect) is just emotionally devastating,” she says.

“I’m very fortunate that I get to work from home a couple of days a week because if that wasn’t the case, I would honestly have had to drop back my hours, as when I have a flare up, my abdomen will increase in pant size by about three sizes.

“So, all of a sudden my pants will absolutely start cutting off my circulation.

“On days when I am onsite, I’ve had situations where I’m consulting with clients and I can feel this shocking pain … I’ll try to grimace and just get through my meetings before I can go somewhere private and undo my pants.

“It’s just so humiliating and painful.”

Houghton says the disease has impacted all aspects of her life.

“It’s completely changed my life … (it) impacts your sex life, your mood, your ability to go to work – I feel like I’ve kind of been robbed of what is supposed to be the fittest and healthiest time of my life.”

Immensely grateful for her loving and supportive partner, she still struggles with the impact her disease has on their life as a young couple.

Mary Houghton and Callum MacPherson say life with endometriosis can be debilitating Picture: Matt Loxton

Callum MacPherson, pictured with partner Mary Houghton, is advocating for greater awareness around endometriosis. Picture: Matt Loxton

“I’m lucky, my partner is beyond incredible, and always talks to me about it and just sits with me when I’m at breaking point … he just knows when I need to be hugged a little bit longer – the amount of times he’s sat on the floor with me while I’ve just cried and we’ve just talked it out for hours.

“Still, I get so anxious if, you know, we’ve got something fun planned together, like going to the beach or going into a hot tub, and then I have a flare up … I get this anxiety about having to let him down, thinking, ‘Oh, can I come up with another excuse as to why we can’t do that?’

“He gets so crushed when I’m upset, so then you kind of want to hide it … you get trapped in a bit of a cycle.”

Mary Houghton and Callum MacPherson, pictured on a trip in Europe, are determined to live life to the full despite Mary’s battle with endometriosis. Picture: Supplied

Sadly endometriosis can also affect fertility.

The couple, who plan to marry next year, are desperate for children.

“I’m actually booked in for a fertility consultation in a couple of weeks … to find out what my case means for my fertility,” Houghton says.

MacPherson adds: “We’re really hoping that that’s not going to be a problem for us, but if it is … we’ll face that together.”

Originally published as Loving partner shares heartbreak as girlfriend abdomen ‘increases by three pant sizes’ due to Endo