18 years after a killer driver took her sister’s life, Lauren Ralph wants justice for victims and families
It’s been 18 years since a dangerous driver killed her sister and Lauren Ralph says it still hurts when others like him cop soft penalties.
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Her 12th birthday was days away and, being the first celebrated in her new country, Lauren Ralph knew how to mark the occasion.
“I was going to have an Australian Idol party and it was all my sister Abigail and I could think about,” Lauren says.
“Abby was rehearsing Anastasia’s songs and I was going to be Jennifer Lopez.
“My friend had stayed over and after we dropped her home, Abby and I had a huge argument over who was going to sit in the front seat.
“I got in the front seat, she was in the back seat and she was a bit pissed off with me.”
As the girls’ mother, Alison, drove through O’Halloran Hill, Lauren put on another of their favourite groups – the UK boy band Blue.
“Abby asked if I could put on a particular song … I remember doing that and thinking ‘you must be warming up to me again’,” Lauren says.
“That’s when the other car hit us.”
THE BENCHMARK
It’s been 18 years since that night. Lauren is now a mother of two, seasoned world traveller and successful hairdresser on the cusp of turning 30.
Yet all of those accomplishments have come without her beloved sister by her side.
Abigail, just nine years old, died as a result of the crash.
“You have a history with your siblings … when you lose them, you don’t just lose that history – you’re robbed of the future too, of what should have been,” Lauren says.
“I admire my friends with their sisters and how special their bond is, having families alongside each other, travelling together.
“They are the little but heartwarming milestones that have been taken from me … it’s that sisterly bond I’m missing, and always will be.”
Abigail’s loss has echoed not only through the lives of the Ralph family, but also SA law.
The prosecution of her killer, Jarrod Damien Payne – and his paltry 18-month jail term – remains the benchmark for the offence of causing death by dangerous driving.
INTENSE AND UNCERTAIN
The Ralphs had moved to Adelaide from Liverpool, England, at the end of 2002 in search of a better life.
“Abby was ambitious and very adventurous … she loved catching bugs, checking out spiders and snakes and freaking Mum out,” Lauren says.
“She had no fear, and there was no stopping her.”
Payne was similarly unstoppable – in the minutes before the crash he had torn down the road and repeatedly sped through intersections against red lights.
He used each intersection’s right-hand turn lane to overtake stationery cars until he collided with the Ralphs.
“I looked at Abby in the back seat and thought ‘she’s concussed, she’ll come to soon’,” Lauren says.
The girls and their mum were taken to hospital, but Lauren was soon discharged and went home with family friends.
“I was left in the dark and I remember being so vain, thinking ‘my party will have to be postponed so Abby can still come’,” she says.
“I was just so oblivious to how serious it was.”
QUALITY OF LIFE
On January 15, 2003, Lauren’s parents called her to the hospital.
“I thought ‘Abby must have woken up, it’s the day before my birthday and they want to surprise me,” she says.
“Abby was hooked up to tubes with thick bandages around her head … her eyes were really puffy but she didn’t have a scratch on her, she looked completely perfect.
“That’s when I thought things were going to be fine.”
The family was ushered into another room to speak with Abby’s doctors.
“Not only was she brain dead, but her spinal cord had been severed … she was never going to be able to breathe on her own, or talk, or walk, or eat,” she says.
“Their advice was to switch off her life support machine, otherwise she would be on it for the rest of her life and have no quality of life.
“My dad said ‘Abby isn’t coming home, we’re going to have some last moments with her’. It all just hit me in the face – Abby not being able to even breathe – I was just having a complete panic attack.
“I kept saying ‘she’s going to wake up’ and they kept explaining that just wasn’t possible.”
TRIGGERS
Lauren and her parents struggled to rebuild their lives – a process made only more hurtful by Payne’s prosecution.
The District Court’s 18-month sentence sparked a challenge to the Full Court of the Supreme Court.
Prosecutors argued Payne’s sentence was so low that it eroded the public’s confidence in justice and failed to adequately punish abhorrent driving.
The court did more than disagree – it insisted every killer driving case should be judged on its own merits and refused to set a sentencing standard.
Subsequent cases prompted successive governments to increase maximum penalties in the hope of more robust sentencing.
Yet judges have cited Payne’s case as rationale for leniency and suspended sentences as recently as October 2020.
“These cases are triggers for me – I get very angry and think ‘what about the victims’ families?’,” Lauren says.
“There’s no support for victims, it’s like we’re the criminals and we have to pay for what’s happened to us.
“All the horrific sentences and unjust outcomes, they’re gut-wrenching and they’re disgusting – I just don’t understand it, and I never will.”
OVERTURN
Lauren’s own sons, Hugo and Charlie, have just reached the age where they are starting to ask about their aunt Abby.
“They look at the photos and at the green teddy bear I was given when she died, and I tell them they have an aunty they’ll never be able to meet,” she says.
It is a loss she feels every day.
“I can talk about it now but that argument over the front seat played a big part, in terms of guilt, in my mindset for many years,” she says.
“It’s taken a long time to really grasp what happened and verbalise it. I’ve accepted it, and now I want to bring something positive out of the negative.
“I’m speaking out because I’m sick of being angry and sad all the time with every new case that goes through court, with every new family that gets destroyed.
“If Abby’s death is the benchmark, then maybe that’s the reason I survived – so I can overturn it.”
Originally published as 18 years after a killer driver took her sister’s life, Lauren Ralph wants justice for victims and families
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