Mel Buttle: ’I’m dating again but my new love interest may shock your socks off’

AFTER being dumped three months before my wedding I’m dating again, which is very exciting, but what’s more exciting is that I’m going to finally be honest about something I’ve kept very personal for a long time...

I GOT back in the saddle and I’ve started dating again.

Mum’s concerned. “Isn’t it all a bit soon?” she asks.

Not at all! I’m 36, it’s go time. If you can hold a conversation and enjoy Cheezels, I’m very keen.

Actually, I’m “seeing someone”, as they say in the movies.

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It all sounds very Sex and the City, but there’s nowhere near as much glamour, as the apple of my eye lives in Lismore, NSW. So it’s more like Nookie in the Northern Rivers, or Kissing Near Kyogle.

This is the most exciting bit about a new relationship, apparently – the start.

I’ve got to agree, it sure is exciting – if exciting is defined as a mix of anxiety and overthinking everything.

Mel Buttle is finally revealing something significant about her personal life

I’ve found myself asking, “so what’s your favourite colour?” to fill the silences in the car.

The getting-to-know-you stage is fun, but also stressful.

Taking on a new person means remembering their likes and dislikes, such as aircon or windows down, Coles or Woolies. I mean, I don’t knock up a Word document to keep track of such things but I’m tempted to.

There’s no shorthand with a new person; you have to explain all your backstory in detail.

There was the time recently where I launched into a monologue and ended it with, “yeah, so that’s why I can never eat lamb shanks again”.

Part of coming together is forming a new story, a couple story.

For example, I won’t let my new love interest see my feet; it would be a dealbreaker for sure, so for a month now I’ve worn socks, shoes or had my feet tucked away wherever possible.

I’d like things locked in a bit more before my bunions come into play.

Everything is new at the moment. I’m loving the drive to Lismore, stopping at little towns and looking in the real-estate windows, wondering if $790,000 is good buying in Eltham or not.

It’s still very early days, and perhaps I’m jinxing it by writing a column about my crush, however my emotions have reverted to teenager level.

I write notes that say, “miss you, wish I was there to kiss you”, and think I’m a lyrical genius that Jay-Z should look at signing.

There’s another part of all this that is very exciting – it’s that I’m going to be honest here for the first time about something I’ve kept very personal for a long time.

The person I’m dating is a nurse, and not a male nurse, either.

I hope all your socks are still on at this point.

Mel Buttle is a Brisbane comedian