VAD Qld: Mother ‘living with time bomb’ of inoperable cancer

A Redlands mother diagnosed with inoperable cancer is in limbo as she does not qualify for funded home care.

Jennifer Bywater says she doesn’t know when she might drop dead.

The last thing she needs is to worry about who will dress her when her inevitable decline happens.

After being diagnosed with inoperable appendix cancer in 2018, Ms Bywater said the excellent palliative care she had received at Mater Health has enabled her to enjoy three precious years with her son, Matthew, 28.

But after a recent bowel obstruction that put her in hospital for five days with intense pain, she said she now worried what would happen to her as her condition worsened at home before it was time to go into a hospice to die.

Because Ms Bywater is only 57, she will not qualify for a subsidised Commonwealth home care package for over 65s.

“I’m living with a time bomb, any day I could just drop dead,” the Redlands mother said.

“I don’t know how much warning I’m going to have, whether I’m going to get to say goodbye.

“You’ve got all that pressure; the last thing you want to be worried about is your son changing your undies for you.

“You want to die with as much dignity as you possibly can and have the memories that Matthew is left with to be good memories of us going to New York and taking me away to the coast and doing things like that, not remembering that, you know, he had to wipe my bottom and do all the yucky things you have to do for somebody who’s dying.”

Jennifer Bywater, 57, at home with son Matthew, 28. Picture: Liam Kidston

She said she felt herself deteriorating and “we have to come up with a game plan before it actually happens”.

“I’m having trouble now … (and) there’s going to come a time I can’t pull my pants on myself and I’m not going to be able to shower myself and I can’t expect my son to do that.

“But we’re not going to be entitled to have anyone come out and help me either, so I’m not sure what we’re going to do when we get to that stage.

“Because I won’t be sick enough to go to hospice, but I won’t be well enough to stay here and have him look after me either.”

Ms Bywater, who is on a $470-a-week disability pension, said she worried about funding things like a new walker she needs and occupational therapy sessions

But she said she is otherwise “quite fine about dying” now and her palliative team has helped her with that.

She said she feels for people in the regions who don’t have access to the same kind of care she’s had.

“We’re like ostriches, we just put our heads in the ground and we don’t think about people in regional areas,” she said.

Her son said it was just like his mum to be worrying about how he and others would cope.

“The thought process of her being in pain and struggling and going through those last days and pushing through are obviously really hard to comprehend,” Mr Bywater said.

“I’m along for the ride, as such, to do the best I can do ... and making her a big part of my life.”