George St Beat: Mike Kaiser tripped up by water feature

He managed a walk along Cairns’ picturesque waterfront without incident, but it wasn’t all smooth sailing for Mike Kaiser as he headed north for the regional sitting of state parliament.

Just like when they head west of the Great Dividing Range and don an akubra, there is nothing more predictable than our politicians (and their sizeable taxpayer-funded entourages) getting fired up about how bloody beautiful life is whenever they head north to tropical Queensland.

Energy Minister Mick de Brenni was the first to get in the spirit of the trip to Cairns for this term’s regional sitting of state parliament at the local convention centre, posting to his social media a picture of him emerging from the water at the reef in a pose that was perhaps less James Bond and more James Bond love-interest circa 1970.

“Had to see it for myself,” the minister posted.

Sure mate, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us needed to see “it” too.

Energy Minister loving life on the Great Barrier Reef. Picture: Instagram

While Mr de Brenni towelled off, his colleagues back on dry land were rubbing shoulders along the Esplanade with sunburnt British youths and their Scandinavian cousins.

They were urged on by local Labor member Michael Healy, who floated around town all week daring the hundreds of MPs and staff who descended on the city at a cost of more than $1m of your money to compare the sunny skies and warm climate of Cairns with the chill that blanketed the southeast over the past few days.

Mike walking on water

State Development director-general Mike Kaiser was one who took Mr Healy’s advice and donned the walking shoes (and some ’90s-band Chocolate Starfish merchandise) for a morning walk with Paul Martyn, who runs the Energy and Public Works Department.

“What ever happened to walking meetings?” Mr Kaiser posted on his very active LinkedIn page alongside a smiling happy snap of the pair. “Out with my mate … in Cairns this morning #teamwork”.”

Mike Kaiser and Paul Martyn on a “walking meeting” while in Cairns. Picture: Mike Kaiser/LinkedIn

We assume the get-together was more successful than a later meeting where Mr Kaiser – the frontrunner to run the Premier’s department until Rachel Hunter had her contract renewed recently – took a stumble and ended up in a water feature at Salt House, an iconic waterfront venue with ponds featured throughout.

We are assured the stumble occurred pre-dinner before any alcohol was consumed, but it was witnessed by nearby tables including a meeting of Labor’s Old Guard faction members, a bunch of LNP MPs – and One Nation MP Stephen Andrew. Mr Kaiser was left with a red face and drenched ankles. #embarrassment

Speaker still missing

There were no such chuckles when local MP and speaker Curtis Pitt somehow managed to sleep in and turn up super-late for day one of the historic sitting in his home town.

Confusion and anger were instead the dominant moods as ceremonies were delayed as search parties were mounted to find Mr Pitt.

Finally, after about 20 minutes the decision was made to proceed without him and the Welcome to Country got under way – followed by parliament itself with deputy speaker Joe Kelly presiding.

Mr Pitt arrived about half an hour after proceedings began, taking the chair looking very much worse for wear and blaming the delay on illness and a missed alarm.

The speaker was gone a couple of hours later, claiming sickness – and was not sighted again all week; a week essentially designed to prop up his electoral chances, and those of the other three locally based Labor MPs.

Resume normal programs

Meanwhile, on the floor of parliament at the partially constructed convention centre (and that’s another story, but thank you is due to the CFMEU), Opposition Leader David Crisafulli was copping some unusual jabs from those on the government benches.

Due to the makeshift seating arrangement that made it appear those on their feet were towering over those opposite, Transport Minister Mark Bailey looked down on Mr Crisafulli and described him as “Little Squeaky Newman” – another reminder that former premier Campbell Newman remains the LNP’s kryptonite.

Treasurer Cameron Dick meanwhile misquoted a Ben Stiller classic when having his own crack.

“This is like a Zoolander stare-off, looking at you,” Mr Dick said of the face-to-face parliamentary setting.

“He has been doing it all morning. It is true, is it not? A bit of blue steel from the Leader of the Opposition.”

It’s actually a “walk-off”, Treasurer.

Whitsunday MP Amanda Camm. Picture: Sandhya Ram

Camm on, are you lost?

We were left to wonder if Whitsunday LNP MP Amanda Camm had spent a little too much time in the tropical sun as she referred to herself as a “proud Far North Queenslander”.

Her electorate stretches from the northern suburbs of Mackay up to the Whitsundays, with her hometown of Proserpine smack bang in the middle – a full 425km trip south down the Bruce Highway from the town usually accepted as the start of the “far north” at Cardwell.