Opinion: Hamilton Island leaves Noosa for dead

Strict rules at a holiday resort, a profusion of cabanas, traffic chaos and poor restaurant experiences make holidaying in Noosa a challenge, writes Des Houghton.

Imagine being fined for going on holiday and enjoying yourself.

That’s exactly what’s happening at Noosa, said to be one of the nation’s top tourist towns.

Friends who paid top dollar at Noosa Shores Resort were gobsmacked when they were sent a set of rules and warned they would be fined for breaking them.

It’s another reason why I’d be reluctant to go back. I had a glorious week on Hamilton Island in December, and I think it leaves Noosa for dead.

Crowds pack in to Noosa Main Beach on the New Years Day public holiday. Picture Lachie Millard

An email confirmation from Noosa Shores Resort carried the warning: “We want you to enjoy your stay at our resort, however we do have some resort rules: “Check out time: 10am – late check-outs without prior approval will be charged a late check out fee.”

It added: “Noosa Shores is a self-catering resort. We do provide a small starter kit of amenities in your apartment consisting of bathroom products, laundry detergent, dishwasher & washing detergent, tea & coffee and salt & pepper. If you require a top up of these items, they can be purchased from reception.

“Please do not put the hand dishwashing liquid in the dishwasher machine. This can result in excess flooding from the dishwasher, and as result an extra cleaning charge.

“On day of departure please leave your apartment in a clean & tidy manner. Dishes in dishwasher with it turned on. Please take rubbish to bins located in the car park. Please return keys to reception or leave in the safe box outside reception.

“The following charges will apply after departure should the apartment not be left as requested:

• removal of rubbish starting at $35

• additional cleaning from smoking $150

• additional cleaning starting at $50

• keys not returned $150 per key + $80 for carpark tag

• late checkout after 10am without prior approval $30 per hour.

Yikes. It’s all a bit heavy-handed, isn’t it?

I also thought the rules were delivered in a tone that may leave interstate travellers with a negative impression of Queenslanders. Do we have to be so brusque?

A vacation doesn’t have to sound like a boot camp.

And be warned if you have friends visiting at Noosa Shores. “The Resort pool, BBQ area, boardwalk and pontoon jetties are for Noosa Shores Resort guests only,” the bossy message says.

“If you are hiring items from an outside holiday hire company these items need to be collected prior to your departure, otherwise there will be a charge to move these items from your apartment.’’

There are also stipulations that kayaks and surfboards “are to be placed in the racks provided and not on grass areas or in car parking spaces”.

And you dare not park a second car in the wrong spot.

“Second vehicles are not to be parked in the visitor car spaces, otherwise will risk being towed away at owner’s expense. Visitor car spaces are not for overnight guests.

“We do not have facilities for and cannot allow for electric cars to be charged in our resort car park.’’

And you dare not invite friends for a party.

“We have a no-party policy at Noosa Shores Resort, where without prior approval we cannot allow for gatherings of more than 20 guests at one time.

“Also, we DO NOT accept schoolies bookings. Primary guest must be minimum age of 21. If school leavers are found to be staying without an adult, they will be asked to leave the resort with no refund given.’’

Cool cabanas spoil the view at Noosa beach

Next comes a set of rules about boat trailers and boat moorings.

More rules: “Pool towels can be hired from reception at $5 per towel.

“If you are having groceries delivered, it needs to be after your arrival as due to health & safety we are not allowed to accept orders on your behalf.

“Due to Body Corporate regulations we do not allow clothes or towels to be hung over balcony railings.’’

I imagine teenagers will rebel at the next rule:

“No game consoles are to be plugged into TVs and have other cables removed. This often damages the cables and connection pieces. Any damages caused will be at the expense of the guest.’’

And if you take kitchen items to the pool area and forget to bring them back you look out.

“Any items missing after checkout may incur a cost.’’

Then there are convoluted warnings about check-out times and cleaning schedules.

“Your valet will discuss with you the best procedure for your departure on the evening prior to departure. Unfortunately, this cannot be discussed in advance.’’

The message finished with a long list of instructions on how you must clean the barbecue and where to leave rubbish, linen and towels prior to your departure. Yes sir! Three bags full sir!

Des Houghton eating oysters Picture: Angela Houghton

Des Houghton eating mud crab at Sails in Noosa

A friend who owns a rental property at Noosa said such letters were not uncommon. However, he defended the warning note even though he agreed the tone was a little confronting.

He said owners were tired of the messes that some tourists leave behind. There were horror stories of broken glass, food scraps tucked under pillows, pizza trodden into carpets and toilets left unflushed. Yuk.

In the past 40 years I have stayed in seven apartment blocks on Hasting St at Noosa and more at Noosa Sound and I found much to like.

But there was also plenty not to like.

Noosa has become a victim of its own success. Those ridiculous Cool Cabanas have taken over the beach, obscuring water views.

The town is frequently crippled by cars. As well as traffic chaos, restaurants are booked out weeks ahead. And they are eye-wateringly expensive. When you do get a table, they think they are doing you a favour. Expect shoddy service, steep prices and substandard cooking, even in upscale restaurants.

That said, I don’t think I have had bad meal at Sails overlooking the beach. Even then it requires testy negotiations to secure a table with a decent view.