Lucy Carne: Face it, kids are better off without parents in the classroom

With the outraged reaction to the proposed ban on parents in classrooms on their child’s first day at school, take it from this mother of a preppie, our kids do not need us hovering over them, writes Lucy Carne.

My mother often tells the story of the time she was phoned by a woman down the street requesting her to please come and retrieve me from the top of her Hills Hoist as I was refusing to climb down. I was 5 years old.

We laugh at the ridiculousness of it now. That at such a young age I trawled suburban gardens with a pack of kids and our parents just assumed we would all be fine.

There were homemade flying foxes, mango tree forts, mulberry feasts, BMX races and wheelie bin cricket paused by the cry of “caaaar”.

The only rule was to be home when the street lights came on.

Teacher unions aren’t just hurting kids, it’s the teachers too

Lucy Carne: Queensland’s quarantine exemption mess has created an unfair class hierarchy

Lucy Carne: Palaszczuk and Berejiklian’s border feud damages all women in politics

Tony Abbott is right: Women need to have more babies

Sure, it may be considered negligent parenting to some, but it was also devoid of hovering interference tripping up our social, physical and mental development.

No one told us “too high”, “be careful” or “put down those matches”.

Our parents gave us respectful space to regulate our emotions and risk taking.

Which brings me to the confected outcry over parents being potentially banned from classrooms on the first day of school next year.

Under plans proposed by a number of Queensland schools and also flagged by New South Wales schools, parents must farewell their preppies from a designated covid-safe ‘kiss and go’ spot.

Children will not be damaged if their parents are not in the classroom with them. Picture: Supplied

Cries of “callous”, “heartless” and “disgraceful” echoed online, accompanied by fears for our children’s mental health.

Have we really become a society where we think our kids will crumble into puddles of anxiety because their parents don’t hover over them in the classroom?

Instead of raging over the loss of yet another opportunity to stifle children, perhaps we should take a lesson from the French.

Trillade primary school in Avignon made global headlines last week after it erected posters warning parents to stop hurling their children over the two-metre locked school gate.

“Parents arriving after the bell were literally throwing their kids,” the school’s head teacher Sanaa Meziane told The Times.

A poster shows parents how not to drop off your kids at school in France. Picture: Supplied

Not to suggest catapulting your littlies into a school is acceptable, but farewelling them at the gate is not going to damage them.

The first day of school is an important milestone and should be honoured even in a pandemic. Take loads of photos at home, hold hands as you walk to the gate, share lots of kisses and hugs and celebrate with an ice cream after pick up.

But the trample of parents in the classroom serves no one’s interests other than the parents.

I crammed myself into a tiny plastic chair to dutifully colour in a picture with my child on her first day this year.

The tokenistic gesture reassured me that I was a devoted mother and nothing like our careless parents, who never knew where we were for most of the late 80s and 90s.

My tears as I farewelled my oblivious child were only for me, as I realised her babyhood was done and I wouldn’t get a do-over to fix any of my mistakes.

The pick up crush was even worse.

People don’t seem to realise that parents have had to stay away from classrooms this year. Picture: Wayne Taylor

Despite pleas from teachers that new parents wait at the gate, the 3pm surge of adult bodies at the classroom door colliding with a rush of sweaty, squealing preppies took me back to the days of the Big Day Out boiler room.

But the pandemic ended that chaos.

The reality is most parents of 2020 preppies haven’t been in our kid’s classroom since the start of the year, thanks to coronavirus measures.

Every morning we’ve kissed our offspring goodbye at the gates and moved on, because there’s no lingering either.

As our backpacks with little legs sticking out the bottom trundle off, we wordlessly will them to please make it to the correct classroom without being distracted by a beetle for 20 minutes.

Any desire to helicopter our children has been denied.

We can no longer carry their bag, tie their laces, make sure they have their homework folder, water bottle and brain food as we escort them into the classroom.

It’s up to those little kids to look after themselves now.

Our little kids have shown this year that they are brave and resilient. Picture: Richard Dobson

And the result? An incredible rise in their independence and confidence.

They are not helpless babies in nappies, who cannot cope without our smothering presence.

My six-year-old can – in the space of an evening chat last week – talk to me in Gubbi Gubbi language, explain concepts of volume and physics and then ask me for a “Fit Bitch” to count her steps (apparently “Fit Bitches” are all the rage with our health-conscious primary kids).

Our preppies are thriving. They are smart, confident and capable young people.

They may be little, but they are mighty in their resilience.

And as we wave them off at the gate next year, be proud that by taking a step back we are freeing them to surge ahead.