Gay fear turns to hope: How MP fought teen anxiety

Trailblazing MP Stephen Bates knew he was gay at 13 but out of “sheer fear” he would live a secret life for nearly a decade, terrified that people would find out the truth.

As a teenager Stephen Bates was determined to marry a woman, have children and live a “normal, expected” life in a classic white picket fence home in the suburbs. It was all a lie.

Mr Bates knew he was gay at 13 but out of “sheer fear” he would live a secret life for nearly a decade, terrified that people would find out the truth.

The trailblazing MP was one of Queensland’s first openly gay politicians when elected as the Greens Federal representative for Brisbane, nearly 12 months ago to the day.

He grew up in a working class country town in central Queensland knowing something was “different”.

By 15 he’d come to the conclusion he’d live a lie in a heterosexual relationship because “that was what you did”.

Greens MP for Brisbane, Stephen Bates, at his office in Albion, Brisbane. Pic: Lyndon Mechielsen/Courier-Mail

It would take him nearly a decade of secrecy – of not telling his closest friends or family the truth – and living overseas for him to come out.

“It was sheer fear of not knowing what was going to happen. Will I get in trouble?” Mr Bates, 30, said.

Long before his first foray into politics, Mr Bates attended an all-boys religious high school in a community where pro-LQBTQI was scarce.

Mr Bates said he was never subject to discrimination in school, potentially by default than design given his reluctance to “come out”.

But the fear, and of the unknown, remained. The what would happen if he told someone?

How would they react? Would they be able to look him in the eye?

“When I was 13 I knew something was off. That’s your first thought. That you are different,” he said.

“I didn’t know how my friends, my parents, how my teachers or the school would react. I never saw anyone who was openly gay or seen fighting for queer rights.

“So I just did everything in my power to bottle it up, lock it down.”

It would take working abroad and living in a gay-friendly community for Mr Bates to truly be himself.

Greens MP for Brisbane, Stephen Bates, at his office in Albion, Brisbane. Pic: Lyndon Mechielsen/Courier Mail

“It was actually in the US. I was working at Disneyland and I just saw people being themselves and being happy,” he said.

“It ended up being an overnight decision. I told my friends in a group chat and it was this whole weight lifted off my shoulders. This freeing feeling of ‘I can be myself now’.”

As Queensland children continue to be plagued by discrimination issues - from the infamous Citipointe Christian College contract scandal to the views of the Presbyterian Church of Australia, Mr Bates wants to be an advocate for change.

He said it was “heartbreaking” to see children still endure the same struggles he went through.

“You see yourself in those kids who are at school and know exactly how they feel, it’s really upsetting,” he said.

“Seeing school kids today still being discriminated does not help at all. It does not make it any easier for these kids or make their lives any better.

“The mental anxiety goes on even longer. It reinforces that belief.

“Because you’re different it has such an impact on kids. They feel like they’re worthless.”

It was only a couple of years before Mr Bates was born, when Queensland in 1991, became the second last jurisdiction in the nation to decriminalise homosexual acts between consenting adults.

Stephen Bates as a teenager. Photo: Supplied.

Stephen Bates on the day he claimed victory in the election. Picture: David Clark

Fast forward to 2023, and Mr Bates is part of growing number of openly gay Federal MPs including Penny Wong, Louise Pratt, Dean Smith, Janet Rice, Nita Green, Julian Hill and Angie Bell.

Mr Bates was elected as the Greens MP for Brisbane, coincidentally in a seat held by Queensland’s first openly gap politician Trevor Evans of the LNP.

Mr Bates’ message to children struggling with their sexuality was to hold hope.

“I would definitely say that it does get better. It may not look like now and it can be very hard but it does get better,” he said.

“People are fighting for you. And we are not going to stop until we achieve a world where kids are safe.

“They might not be able to see that now but you’re not alone in this struggle. There is hope.”