Former Maryborough MP Chris Foley shares grief on anniversary of son’s death
A former Qld MP has reflected on living with grief after a motorbike crash claimed his young son’s life 30 years ago and how, years later, a second tragic incident would intertwine the MP’s family and the motorbike rider’s lives again.
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Grief is not a lineal journey – it comes and goes in waves, some gentle and some so powerful they knock you to the ground, no matter how much time has passed.
No one knows that better than former Member for Maryborough Chris Foley who, this week, along with the rest of his family, marked the 30th anniversary of the death of his beloved son, Joshua.
In a compelling post on Facebook, which attracted dozens of responses, Chris shared how his grief could still surprise him.
On June 2, 1994, his wife Glenys was going to a friend’s home to help her – she had misplaced her keys.
Walking with her children in Ann St, her daughter Jessica ended up on one side of the street and Joshua, spotting his sister, dashed out to catch up with her.
Joshua, 3, was struck by a motorcycle, which was being driven by 19-year-old Danny Ace.
Tragically, Danny would also lose his young son in an incident years later, and the Foleys would help him through his grief.
On Saturday night, the family’s conversation turned to that moment 30 years ago, when heartbreak struck.
Chris has heard the story many times.
His youngest daughter asked Glenys what happened when Josh was struck by the motorbike that day.
His wife retold the story, telling their daughter it was likely Josh was brain dead before he even hit the bitumen.
“Words that I had heard 1000 times before hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks,” Chris said.
“I felt physically sick and had to leave the room.”
In the years since losing Josh, the family went from having four children, back to three and then to five as Chris and Glenys welcomed two more children after Josh died.
But Chris has always told people he has six children.
“Grief is a funny thing,” he wrote in his post.
“Over the last 30 years we have been called upon so many times to provide solace to grieving families who have lost a child.
“It’s like you belong to a not-so-secret society that nobody signed up for.”
In November, 2013, Chris was called upon to support Danny through his grief when his three-year-old son died.
Roanan Ace was found unconscious in the family’s car and was rushed to Maryborough Hospital, but sadly died of heat exhaustion.
It is a tragedy that Chris thinks of often, the shared heartache that connects two families.
Chris, who represented Maryborough in state parliament from 2003 to 2012, said he had spent the anniversary of Josh’s death this year in a “grief-induced La La land”.
He had not looked for a “pity party” when he wrote the Facebook post, but had needed to share how he was feeling.
“It was incredible that after so long it would hit so hard,” he said.
The family had visited Josh’s grave and he sat there, wanting to cry, “completely stunned”.
Chris said if the post had helped others connect with their grief he was glad.
“I have often said that the grief of losing a child is like sets of waves constantly crashing on your shore,” he said.
“Gradually the sets get further and further apart until you hardly notice them, but just like that the intense crashing waves can return without a moment’s notice.”
Chris said he had woken at 3am in the morning and realised he had forgotten to pay for fuel he had put in the car at a Tinana service station the day before because he had been so distracted by the emotions he was experiencing.
He had returned to the service station the next day and “a quick wave of the confessional credit card and it was all sorted,” he said.
“Grief is a strange animal,” Chris said.
“Joshy I miss you so much it hurts.
“When we meet again in that Heaven-induced reunion, the waves of grief will become waves of joy.”
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