Teacher Ange Murray on grief after son’s death by suicide

A Queensland mother has described her grief following her son’s death and the ‘broken’ mental health system she says failed him.

Angus Murray and his mum, Ange Murray.

The red flowers in a quiet garden attract butterflies, which is a small comfort to a mother whose grief after her son’s death has at times been shrouded in shock or tinged by the awful reality her boy is gone.

Queensland teacher Ange Murray, 47, said the memorial garden to her son, Angus Murray, was built long before their home by her husband Luke, 46, who shouldered his grief by getting to work.

Her 16-year-old died by suicide in 2021.

“When Angus passed away we were renting and as you know at that point in time there was Covid, a rental epidemic and we couldn’t move so we decided to buy land in Burrum town,” she said.

The teacher said the garden was tropical, with paths so little children could run through it, and from the deck was a big opening and a sign labelled ‘Angus’s garden’.

Angus Murray's memorial garden.

Flowers in red hues, which was Angus’s favourite colour, grow throughout the memorial site.

In the barbecue shack there is a fire pit and a memorial chair bought by Angus’s friends.

Angus Murray's surfboard hangs in a barbecue shack dedicated to his memory.

In that shack, too, Angus’s special mementos have found a permanent home.

His surfboard hangs there, along with knick knacks from a family trip to Fiji and other things like AC/DC memorabilia.

Angus was named after the famed lead singer of the band, Angus Young.

Ange’s mum used to manage the group and Luke is a massive fan.

Angus Murray was named after the famed AC/DC lead singer, Angus Young.

“Angus loved butterflies, he had a friend pass away from cancer and she loved butterflies so he always invested a lot of time in butterflies,” Ange said.

“There’s always butterflies around the house.”

Red flowers attract many butterflies to Angus Murray's memorial garden.

A JOURNEY OF GRIEF

Ange described the grief she has experienced since Angus’s death.

“The first year is like a complete blur, the second year reality has hit in, the third year is ‘he’s never coming back’ and we’re going into our fourth year and I don’t know how I feel to be honest,” Ange said.

Angus Murray's loved ones grieve following his death in 2021.

“We definitely have moments, they’re more few and far between than the first year.

“There’s days where you wake up and hear a song or smell a smell or you see a memory or a photo … something happens and it all comes flooding back, it never really leaves you.”

The Murray family, from left, Luke, Angus, Ange and Hunter.

The Burrum Heads teacher said losing an immediate family member was the hardest thing that anyone could experience.

She, her husband and her other son, Hunter, 18, have joined a club no one wants to be part of.

Loved ones remember Angus Murray at one of his favourite spots on the Fraser Coast.

“We were talking last night about the fact we thought we had it tough before now,” Ange said.

“And now we can’t even see anything worse happening, unless we lost our other child.”

She urged others in a position similar to her to be brave.

“We step forward into the future knowing that nothing else can beat us,” Ange said.

“We just keep trying to be brave, keep stepping forward, keep trying to help, keep checking in, checking on others, have empathy and those qualities that make you a kind human and help others.”

DETERMINATION TO HELP

The teacher is determined to try and prevent any other family going through the hell her loved ones have experienced in the past three years.

“I feel like we promised him, when he passed and when we collected our emotions that we would do everything we could to help anyone in any way,” Ange said.

Angus Murray's family is determined to prevent other families from experiencing the hell they have endured following Angus's death.

The family takes it in turns among immediate family members every year to raise money for the likes of Beyond Blue or the Black Dog Institute because Ange said the mental health system was “broken” and those organisations tried to help people.

“We tried so hard with certain organisations that failed him and this is why we do what we do, because we just want to help,” Ange said.

Angus’s parents have also remained close to their sons’ friends.

The memorial chair bought by Angus Murray's friends.

“If they need us, we are always there,” she said.

The teacher said this generation contended with social media and online bullying and other issues that prior generations did not have to worry about.

“We could go home and switch off until the next day, but this just eats them away,” Ange said.

“It is a very big concern and one of our concerns.”

HOW TO HELP BEYOND BLUE

This year, the Murray family is participating in the Big Blue Table, Beyond Blue’s fundraiser.

They will raffle off prizes, have invited loved ones to share a plate, will put out balloons and the blue tablecloth supplied by the organisation along with conversation starter cards.

“We also invite those who’ve lost others to suicide,” Ange said.

“We ask them to bring a photo of their loved ones so our treasured memories are in front of us.”

The family talks about Angus, and they check in on Angus’s friends who are invited to the event.

“We are very clear that if you need to talk to someone, we are here,” Ange said.

More information on how to register for the Big Blue Table is here.

The fundraiser coincides with Mental Health Month, next month, with more than 3300 hosts registered to date.