Like a rocket-fuelled smoothie

NEW Zealanders are being offered the chance to boost their energy levels with a drink containing stallion semen.

RIGHT. There's no delicate way to say this so steel yourselves.

New Zealanders are being offered the chance to boost their energy levels with a drink containing stallion semen.

Shots of the tonic will sell for $10 a pop at the Wildfoods Festival in Hokitika later this month.

And if you fear that the love juice of a horny horse might leave a nasty taste in the mouth, have no fear.

To make the concoction more palatable it comes in three delicious flavours – cherry, liquorice and banoffee pie. The festival organiser, Mike Keenan, told reporters that imbibers should merely think of it as a flavoured milk shake with a difference.

Rushin' for a drink

I THINK the semen shots might go down a treat in Russia where it is quite plain that the population has very little understanding of what it's drinking at the best of times.

This week the Russian parliament admitted for the first time that beer is alcohol.

Until Tuesday the frothy falling down water was technically classified as a foodstuff and as such could be sold at any food outlet to anyone, irrespective of their age.

Drinking claims half a million Russian lives a year, so Kremlin rulers have finally faced the truth. Beer is now treated like vodka and is the subject of restricted sales and advertising.

Foxy social climber

WORKERS at the top of Europe's tallest skyscraper might have wondered if they had imbibed one too many when they spotted a fox – 72 storeys up the Shard building next to London Bridge.

The wily fox, nicknamed Romeo, is believed to have entered via a central stairwell and was scavenging scraps left by workers.

And it gave would-be fox-catchers a torrid time before succumbing to a cage baited with chicken.

Just think what might have happened if fox-hunting had still been legal in the UK.

Family man

AND finally, I would like to doff my cap to Ziona Chana, a 66-year-old Indian who is, quite possibly, the most fecund, family-orientated man on the planet.

Ziona has 39 wives, 94 children and 33 grandchildren and they all live with him under one roof.

And to think I sometimes despair of having to cope with the expense of a wife and two teenagers.

Ziona is the head of a religious sect. Clearly he's in no need of stallion semen.

Originally published as Like a rocket-fuelled smoothie