The outdated question people STILL insist on asking parents

As a mother of two little girls, people don’t hesitate to jump in and ask if my husband and I will be “going again for a third”. How is this still a thing, writes Kristy Symonds.

Having two girls doesn’t leave us feeling incomplete, writes Kristy Symonds. Picture: File photo/Thinkstock

As a mother of two little girls, people don’t hesitate to jump in and ask if my husband and I will be “going again for a third”.

Never mind that my youngest is just one year old.

I suppose I am what they consider to be geriatric in reproductive terms, so people are probably just aware of the metaphorical ticking clock looming over me. No time to waste, after all!

I did think we had all agreed some years back that asking people questions about trying to conceive was generally considered a bit rude, as you never really know what someone may be going through.

Look, I get it. People are just trying to make conversation and there’s a natural curiosity about building a family. But it’s the all-too-common follow-up that really raises my eyebrow.

“Will you try again for a boy?”

It’s a strange question, and even stranger still to be asked it in 2025. There’s an underlying assumption that without the “perfect pigeon pair”, I must feel I’m missing out on something. The real pity, though, is reserved for my husband. The poor man must be pretty bummed he doesn’t have a son to carry on his name, or someone to toss the footy around with in the backyard.

See, the thing is, my husband hates football. And daughters can carry on their dads’ last names too. I kept mine when we married. I also happen to love the footy, and I grew up going to every game with my own father.

Image: Jon Bentley

The way people often describe raising boys could be directly applied to my eldest. They never sit still, they’re always getting grubby, collecting bugs and filling their pockets with rocks! Hot Wheels and Lego all over the floor and Pokemon and Spider-Man pyjamas? Yup, us too. But my youngest? She’s all about bows, shoes and dancing.

My point? They’re just kids. They’re both unique, amazing little beings and I could never imagine looking at them and feeling I’m somehow missing out on something.

And it’s not just because I have girls. My friends with two boys get it too. When my best friend had her second boy, one of the hospital staff tending to her room exclaimed: “Oh! You must be so disappointed you didn’t get your girl.” Another friend with two boys often gets: “Oh poor mum, she’s surrounded by boys!”

You could say they’re just harmless comments from well-meaning people. But, whether we want to admit it or not, it all comes back to old-fashioned ideas that girls and boys should be certain ways. So, let’s leave that mentality where it belongs: in the past. Is my husband upset he’s got two girls? Now I say: “No, because he’s not from the 1800s.”

I know there’s a whole nuanced conversation to be had about the validity of gender disappointment, which some parents do experience. But I can’t get behind the idea that you’d be making the mammoth commitment to have another child – and the time, energy and money that comes with it – based solely on the desperate need to have a baby of a particular sex. I have the perfect pair already. If we ever decide to have a third, it will be because we want to add another member to our family, not because we feel our girls somehow left us feeling incomplete.