Rory Gibson on his epic chess battle that feels like war

You wouldn’t know it because the news has been hogged, but Australia has been embroiled in a vicious little war of its own.

Chess can bring out the best and worst in us all.

You probably wouldn’t know it because the news has been hogged by the Middle East and Ukraine lately, but Australia has been embroiled in a vicious little war of its own.

We’ve been slugging it out with Germany and I can report Australia has its foot planted on the throat of a particularly arrogant and none-too-pleasant enemy.

When I say Australia I mean me, and when I say Germany I mean a bloke who calls himself Tombex. We’ve been representing our countries over a chess board, and it’s been harrowing.

I’m a member of an online chess platform that enables you to play chess with people all over the world. Tombex and I have history.

Chess is a great game because it teaches you many good life lessons. The one that resonates with me most is not to make crucial decisions late at night after more than three beers.

Tombex should have learned another one during our first clash last year, which is don’t say anything that will lead people to suspect you’re an idiot.

Chess can teach you a lot about people, Rory Gibson insists.

There’s a dialogue window which enables you to type messages to your opponents. During that first encounter my Teutonic foe took it upon himself to point out the weaknesses in my game without checking whether I was open to receiving his advice.

I thanked him for his generosity, then set about destroying him. In the penultimate move before checkmate, I again thanked him profusely for his wisdom. I can’t be sure he picked up the sarcasm.

A bit like Germany after World War I, he came back for another crack at me. I felt like Churchill on the eve of the Battle of Britain.

It nearly ended quickly. In only the seventh move he took my queen. It was an excellent ambush, but he couldn’t help himself … he sent me a smartarse message:

“I think it is decided.”

Amused by his hubris I typed a reply: “That’s what Hitler said after he invaded Poland and rolled into France.”

Then I spotted his mistake. There was one move I could make that, if he responded in a particular way, I’d trap his queen and he’d be cactus. He never saw it coming.

Aah, what a sweet, slow annihilation it was. As I ground him into the dust I kept asking what it was that had been decided but like the guns on the western front he’d fallen silent.

For now he’s off the radar, but chess inflicts deep, long-lasting wounds. He’ll be back.