Public screen time is a family’s business and theirs alone

SWEEPING generalisations and snap judgements have found yet another outlet in other people’s opinions of the way we parent. Here’s why you should stand your ground on this issue.

Nabil Kurban has banned people from using smartphones and iPads at the table in their restaurant, Colombo's in Balwyn, Melbourne. They say it's family time that should not be interrupted.

THERE has been a tedious amount of commentary this year about the effects of too much screen time on family life.

Scathing judgments spewed forth about how other people choose to incorporate screens into their lives have spattered across opinion pages.

Tarring the broader community with the same brush is a simplistic device designed to inflict shame. However, just as not all families look the same, not all families have a similar modus operandi.

Screens enable my family to have a social life. Thank goodness for tablets and their ilk. Were you to pass us by with technology in full throttle, you may see fit to tut-tut, or even shake your head. But little would you know of the struggle and encouragement that has allowed us to arrive at this point in the first place.

Last week my family enjoyed a brief break on the Gold Coast. Like most families on a summer holiday it involved swimming, surfing and sandcastles. It also means the family cook gets a break and we eat out with food and drinks delivered to our table by an affable wait person. But not too affable, please. I have a child on the autism spectrum and any loud noise generated by grown-ups is a recipe for social disaster.

Nabil Kurban has banned people from using smartphones and iPads at the table in their restaurant, Colombo's in Balwyn, Melbourne. They say it's family time that should not be interrupted.

Hoping to encounter a quiet crowd at a family restaurant on a Monday night, we all held our breath. But unexpected sharp bursts of laughter cut through the cool air and my child crumbled.

So to minimise confusion and anxiety my husband set up a tablet with a movie and a pair of headphones at our table. It’s our back-up. It’s not always needed, but it gives us an hour to sit back and enjoy a night out. Other diners looked on in barely masked disgust.

How dare we enable a child to disappear into a screen at such an inappropriate time? Haven’t we heard that these devices are eroding human connections faster than you can say, “do you have free Wi-Fi”? Silly me.

Other people always know more about parenting my children than I do.

It’s not only restaurants where we rely on technology, but any unfamiliar indoor event where there will be a large group of people. Christmas Day is particularly challenging depending on how many people will be at whose house.

She is the bravest child I know, and her strength and kindness run rings around her peers. But sometimes it can’t all be about her. Her sibling and parents need a life too, and she just has to fit in.

“It’s not just restaurants where we rely on technology, but any unfamiliar indoor event where there will be a large group of people. Christmas Day is particularly challenging depending on how many people.”

In recent times, it is increasingly common to hear reports of narrow-minded, racist Australians openly confronting non-English speakers on public transport about their right to be here.

How far away are we from random screen shaming people in public places?

Sweeping generalisations and snap judgments have found yet another outlet in other people’s public consumption of electronic devices. A mother looking at a smartphone while her children play in the park invites public scorn. We take the one thing we see and assume that this is an inadequate parent. We don’t know who she is or what is happening in her life. We have not walked in her shoes.

Most parents understand the impact of screens on young minds and what a balancing act it can be. There will never be a shortage of self-satisfied columnists bemoaning the error of our ways, but how we choose to include technology in our lives is our business. If Santa is delivering electronic gadgets to your house this year, then that is your business – no judgment here.

And if you see a child in a restaurant these holidays with a screen plastered in front of them, it doesn’t necessarily mean the sky is falling down.

For some families it might be the only thing holding the sky up.

Kate King is a Brisbane freelance writer