Mike O’Connor: Why I’m seeing red at colour-coded correctness and neopronouns at University of Qld

We are all equal in tendering for contracts, but some are just that little bit more equal, as witnessed by an Indigenous scheme that’s awarded more than $9bn, writes Mike O’Connor.

Posters have appeared around the University of Queensland campus heralding the arrival of the neopronoun, writes Mike O’Connor. Picture: Richard Walker

We now live in a cultural minefield, one misstep triggering an explosion that can propel us into the arms of the woke police who will lead us in shackles off to a distant gulag for re-education.

Public servants working for the federal Finance Department are now undergoing just such a sensitivity reset after inadvertently straying from the path of cultural correctness in listing contractors engaged by the government.

We are all equal in tendering for government contracts, but some of us are just that little bit more equal than others, as witnessed by a scheme known as the Indigenous Procurement Policy, which mandates that a certain amount of work must be awarded to Indigenous suppliers.

Since its inception, contracts worth more than $9bn have been awarded under this scheme.

Former Commonwealth ombudsman Michael Manthorpe.

Obviously, those charged with oversight of this must take great care that they meet their targeted quota of Indigenous contracts lest in error they treat Indigenous contractors seeking government work in the same way as non-Indigenous suppliers and that, of course, would never do.

To avoid this happening, they colour-coded Indigenous suppliers on their spreadsheets to differentiate them from their fellow citizens.

And it was at this point that the cultural improvised explosive device hidden in the spreadsheet detonated, for the colour they choose was what has been described, following an investigation by former Commonwealth ombudsman Michael Manthorpe, as “orange/brown”.

This, Manthorpe found, raised concerns about the “cultural capability” of officials.

They could, I suppose, have coloured them in grey, but that is halfway between white and black and would have been completely inappropriate.

Indigenous suppliers are colour-coded on their spreadsheets to differentiate them from their fellow citizens. Pink may have been considered briefly, but ruled out lest it offend the LGBTQ community, writes Mike O’Connor.

Blue, perhaps, but the colour is traditionally associated with the Liberal Party, so is probably best avoided.

There’s red, but there’s red on the Indigenous flag so this could have inflamed sensitivities and would have to be discounted and purple would be out as it is a mixture of blue and red.

Pink may have been considered briefly, but ruled out lest it offend the LGBTQ community.

And there’s green, but that is generally associated with the Irish, and you know what a sensitive lot the O’Connors and the O’Flahertys and the Murphys are.

Nothing, however, that a long lunch couldn’t overcome, and in saying that I apologise for any offence caused for appearing to reinforce any racial stereotypes that may infer that we’re partial to a social gargle.

Manthorpe has tracked down the culprits who have been ordered to undertake cultural and diversity awareness training while the Procurement Division has apologised for any offence caused.

We can only presume that they have also had their crayons and colouring-in pencils confiscated or at least those capable of creating any hue that approximates the culturally offensive “orange/brown”.

There’s red, but there’s red on the Indigenous flag so this could have inflamed sensitivities and would have to be discounted, writes Mike O’Connor.

Maybe the best way to avoid the risk of any further offence being caused would be to abolish the Indigenous Procurement policy and colour us all the same.

In a bid to help you get through the week without offending anyone’s sensitivities, no easy task I know, allow me to bring you up to speed on your use of pronouns as promoted by posters that have appeared around the University of Queensland campus heralding the arrival of the neopronoun.

Forget he/him, she/her and they/them and, enter the neopronouns. These, students are told, are a new category of pronoun such as “ze, hir, hirs, xe, xem and xyr”.

“Neopronouns,” they are told, “can be used by anyone.

“They don’t hold a specific meaning and are a way for someone to best represent themselves like they would through clothing or their name.”

Posters have appeared around the University of Queensland campus heralding the arrival of the neopronoun, writes Mike O’Connor.

Obviously, if someone introduces themselves to you as an “xe” or a “hirs”, there is always the chance that simple-minded souls such as us might presume that they are suffering from a speech impediment or have hosed down a couple of coldies before leaving home.

This confusion is understandable, but rather than muttering something about having left the iron on and hurrying away, the correct response is to listen carefully.

Did they say they were a “ze” or an “xe” or an “xem’” or an “xyr”?

If you make a mistake, the correct response is to “give a brief but genuine apology, then correct yourself and move on. If someone makes a mistake with other people’s pronouns, politely and without shaming, correct them”.

I’m tempted to say that in simpler times before victimhood and self-obsession took hold, things were more black and white, but that could cause offence and I wouldn’t want that.