Mike O’Connor: Palaszczuk’s Brisbane 2032 raffle ‘will be like a Chookslotto’

Next year, Harry and Meghan will sensationally disappear after the pair managed to get so far up themselves that they vanish, writes Mike O’Connor.

Next year, we are being told by our sombre-faced leaders, will be “challenging” – this being pollie-speak for “bad things will happen but there’s no way we’ll be copping the blame”.

That is not to say that there will not be some brighter moments for I predict that 2023 will be the year in which Harry and Meghan sensationally disappear.

Investigators will reveal that as far as it could be determined, the pair managed to get so far up themselves that they vanished.

“Being up yourself is a way of life in California but this is the first case we’ve come across where people have taken it to such an extreme that they have actually disappeared up their own fundamental orifices,” they say.

“One minute they were there and a minute later, “poof!”

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle in their Netflix docu-series Harry & Meghan.

They were gone. I don’t know if the process is reversible.

We’ll just have to wait and see if they reappear one day,” a police spokesman says.

There will be more bad news for ex-PM Scott Morrison, who will be found by the government to be guilty of not belonging to the Labor Party.

A motion to have him burnt at the stake outside Parliament House is narrowly defeated.

A woman sues her employer for failing to harass, bully and demean her in any way.

“I took this job intending to be able to sue for being bullied and all I got was respect,” she says. “I stood to make a lot of money here. I demand compensation for not being able to sue.”

Elsewhere, a man discovers that the company for which he thought he was working had been closed for months.

“I took the job on the condition that I never had to go near the office,” he says.

“I was working from home and no one told me that the business had gone bust. I was wondering why no one was replying to my emails.”

Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk. Picture: David Clark

With no funding agreement in place for Brisbane 2032, Annastacia Palaszczuk announces a new concept – “the Queensland Government Chook Raffle”.

Under the scheme, public servants will be sent to pubs and clubs throughout the state selling raffle tickets, with the Premier announcing the winners in a televised draw every Friday night.

“It will be like a Chookslotto,” she says.

Two new strategies for building the infrastructure which will be required for the Games will also be unveiled, these being titled “She’ll Be Right” and “No Worries”.

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day will be banned and replaced with Not Necessarily A Woman Day and Could Be A Bloke But Might Not Be Days.

Qantas chief executive Alan Joyce buys Tasmania after receiving a billion-dollar bonus for delivering record profits.

Fares from Brisbane to Sydney hit $20,000 one way with two flights a day.

Qantas chief executive Alan Joyce. Picture: AAP Image

As the housing rental crisis deepens, activists ask how two people can live in a massive colonial residence on a prime hilltop real estate a few kilometres from the city set in14ha of gardens at huge public expense while Queenslanders are sleeping in their cars?

There is no comment from Government House.

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese happens to mention in passing that he grew up in public housing.

Several hundred thousand homeless people reply that they’d love to live in public housing if only they could find some.

The mystery surrounding the disappearance of Queensland Health Minister Yvette D’Ath is solved when staff reveal that she had not been feeling well and had spent the last three days at home waiting for an ambulance.

Health Minister Yvette D’Ath. Picture: Liam Kidston

State Treasurer Cameron Dick again denies that he is interested in becoming premier, with observers noting that he is assuming an uncanny resemblance to Pinnochio.

Federal Energy Minister Chris Bowen recovers from injuries received while trying to light a kerosene lamp in his parliamentary office after the lights went out, and in the face of continuing blackouts, the government announces a new initiative as part of its renewable energy strategy.

Under this scheme, households will be provided with bicycles mounted on a frame and connected to a generator to provide their own electricity by pedalling.

Mr Bowen dismisses critics as climate deniers and says it is an excellent way for the nation to get fit.

If you didn’t laugh, as they say, you’d cry.

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