Mel Petrinec: How a tragic death united our blended family
Joining a Facebook group opened my eyes to just how fortunate our blended family situation truly is, writes Melanie Petrinec.
I always knew I’d hit the jackpot with my little family – but I don’t think I fully appreciated how lucky I was until I joined a Facebook group for stepmums.
The other stepmums spoke of “HCBMs” (that’s High Conflict Bio Mums, for the uninitiated), stepkids who shouted expletives at them and overwhelmingly untenable co-parenting situations.
That has never been my experience – I have a wonderful relationship with my stepdaughter, her mother and her extended family – but I did join the group because I wanted to connect with other women feeling the way I did.
For all intents and purposes, I am a mother to darling Freya, almost 8, who I have known for the majority of her life having met her father, David, almost five years ago (although he will tell you it can’t possibly be that long).
We have Freya week-on, week off – alongside our black Labrador, Chunky, who is also shared between houses in a very cute and modern co-parenting package deal.
I make sure Freya’s favourite lullaby is playing when she goes to bed, I comfort and cuddle her when she falls over and scrapes her knee, I pack her school lunches and tell her that in my heart, she is mine – and I am lucky her wonderful mum Evie shares her with me.
I love every minute of it. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that, at times, I have felt like parts of the world don’t see me as a “real” mum – especially because I don’t have a biological child.
School drop offs? Yep, I’m there navigating the same annoying queue everybody else has to endure. Kids’ birthday parties? No worries, hand me a party pie and I’ll engage in some polite chitchat. Costume for the school play? Look … I’ll be honest I haven’t had the pleasure of that hardship yet but I can outsource with the best of them.
David and I share the load equally. Freya doesn’t distinguish between him being the bio-parent and me being the step-parent, so why should we?
And in that respect, I am fortunate to have the full support of Freya’s mum and her family.
There’s no jealousy, there’s no snarkiness – just total respect and kindness.
The last time I saw Freya’s wonderful maternal grandmother, Rosemary, she hugged me tightly and told me how lucky she and her family felt to have me in their lives.
It was a gesture that moved me to tears then, and still does now.
Weeks later, Rosemary would be killed when a teenager in an allegedly stolen car ploughed into her own vehicle as she returned home from church.
Her death has devastated all of us.
Rosemary and her husband instilled in their children the values and kindness that allow me to have the relationship with Freya that I do now.
Everyday I try to be the best parent I can be to Freya to honour Rosemary, who dearly would have loved to see her granddaughter grow up – and also my husband’s mother Olga, who sadly passed away four years ago overseas during the pandemic.
Olga helped make David the man he is – an amazing dad who exudes kindness and co-parents respectfully and productively with his ex-wife.
Rosemary and Olga would have loved to see Freya’s cheeky smile, hear her (ahem) … unique …. “knock knock” jokes and watch her film silly videos with her doting dad.
Because they can’t do that, I do my best to live in the moment and appreciate it.
The people who matter have never made me feel like less of a mum because I didn’t give birth to that beautiful girl.
And I never take for granted sweet darling Freya, who is my biggest cheerleader and forgives me on my worst days when I feel compelled to apologise for not being perfect.
She simply smiles and replies I’m perfect to her – reminding me once again just how lucky I am.
