Our boys desperately need our attention and understanding – not just judgment | Rebecca Whitfield-Baker

Violence against women is never OK but neither is writing off an entire generation over the actions of a few, writes Rebecca Whitfield-Baker.

Puh-lease, can we stop the pile-on on boys and young men.

As a mum of two teenagers – one in year 12 and part of the First XVIII footy side at his school, the other in second year uni – I’ve plenty of contact with menfolk of this generation.

They are, for the most part, seriously decent human beings who’ll go out of their way to help others.

They are, without doubt, much kinder and more aware of others than I was at the same age.

The ones I know will readily peel from the pack of their sporting teammates pre or post-game to give a mate’s mum a warm hug and ask how she is going – thanking her for the afternoon smoko contribution.

TELL US WHY IN THE COMMENTS

Earlier this year, when I accompanied my son to pre-formal drinks and we were typically late, one of his friends waited while I parked the car to walk me into the event – while my son went to find his partner – in a touching and unexpected act of chivalry.

Are my sons and their mates perfect? Absolutely not.

My two are cheeky sods who’ll sledge with the best – or, I should say, worst – of them on the sporting field.

They are part of sporting teams which have an “in-house” fines system and I shudder to think what some of the criteria might be.

From what I gather, it is mostly in-jokes and good-hearted laughing at a mate’s expense. I do know my eldest was slugged a decent fee when his mother inadvertently entered the changerooms post-game in his first year playing seniors calling for him, using his pet name.

He’s never quite forgiven me for the faux pas that cost him a few beers.

But he is also kind and considerate. He rings his widowed and elderly grandmother who lives interstate a couple of times a week to just check in on her.

He is fiercely protective of his girl cousins. The women, young and old, at the supermarket where he has a part-time job often tell me at the checkout how much they enjoy working with him, sharing snippets of the conversations they have.

You can’t deny the horrific stories on family violence which, without question, more often than not involve a female victim.

The vile and brutal stories such as that experienced by Queensland mum Hannah Clarke, who was burnt to death in 2020 along with her three young children in their car – set alight by her estranged husband. It is sickening and impossible to imagine.

Just last week, an Adelaide court heard how a mum-of-two in this state feared for her life when her ex husband, a former SANFL player, threatened to set her on fire while splashing litres of petrol and flicking a lighter.

Contrary to popular claims, most young men are NOT devotees of the rape and human trafficking-accused influencer Andrew Tate. Picture: Daniel Mihailescu/ AFP

Violence against women can’t ever be allowed.

But let’s not get hysterical over a group of school kids and their chatter in a sports locker room.

A timely reminder to talk through with them why some of their categories are inappropriate and overstepped the mark? Yes. Reasonable disciplinary action as the school deems fit? Of course.

Are there twatty, turdy kids? Absolutely.

But seriously, to jump on the bandwagon in mass-hysteria and write-off a generation of boys and young men as “misogynistic and racist” or think that every teenage boy is an Andrew Tate follower is gravely misplaced.

It was interesting that as the happenings at Pembroke were unveiled I was listening to a section on a popular radio station in which the female host was naming her “hottest” AFL team of the ages, comprising current and former players.

I had no issue with it – it was meant as a bit of lighthearted fun, but I couldn’t help but think had her two, older male counterparts rated women in an AFLW team in the same way there would be loud and unrelenting outrage.

My point is, we need to get a grip, laugh at ourselves and not dramatise every comment and action – especially those of 17-year-old boys. Instead, I’d argue boys and young men need our love and support as much as they ever have.

It’s been well reported that in almost every metric, young men are now doing much less well at school than women.

Some of the statistics include: boys are generally more likely than girls to be in the bottom third of ATAR results; only 43 per cent of people who apply for admission to tertiary education are male and boys’ rates of attendance at school are much lower than girls.

In 2024, of 10 year 12 prefects at a leading Adelaide public school, just one is male; it’s hard to believe in a school cohort of 1680 that several more male students aren’t worthy of leadership roles.

Our boys desperately need our attention and understanding – not just judgment.

Yes, kids – boys and girls – need to get pulled up when they say or do the wrong thing.

But let’s stop catastrophising about the young men of today and celebrate instead the many fine examples in our community.

Originally published as Our boys desperately need our attention and understanding – not just judgment | Rebecca Whitfield-Baker