I forced my family on a digital detox

I made my two teenagers and a 10-year-old take a holiday from their phones and we all survived. Here’s what I learned and why we are doing it again.

A few months ago, my family went on a beach holiday.

In preparation for this trip, there was the usual packing, planning and organising. But two weeks prior to departure, I issued a decree.

And I knew it would be unpopular. Hence, I gave all involved two weeks to get used to the idea.

“My decree: no technology devices on our holiday.”

In the months preceding our departure, I looked over my brood of two teenagers and a 10-year-old and felt a rising sense of panic, some sort of niggling angst that a balance in our family had somehow tilted off-kilter.

Because, as I looked around my house, often I would see no other humans or even hear any noise. There was no one in the living room, dining room or study. The back yard was quiet.

Even though, truth be told, this quiet was a salve for my sanity, something was amiss. For everyone, hidden away in their own bedrooms, was focused on their own little world, quietly absorbed in their technology of choice, locked in their own emotional silo.

Intuitively, I felt the very fabric of our family life was fragmenting. Technology was stealing my family.

Technology is part of modern life. It is useful, convenient and fun, with countless benefits.

The mobile phone camera, for instance, has revolutionised the way husbands are sent the shops to purchase various items. If in doubt, send me a photo! Don’t, under any circumstances, buy the wrong thing.

A tile shop in Brisbane understands this. On a sign outside its premises a while back, it declared: “Husbands buying tiles must have note from wife.’’

Seriously though, technology has no doubt been transformative in how we live our lives. But it also has the capacity to erode our families.

Fundamentally, family members need to communicate with each. We need to be more than people who happen to live at the same address. We need to sit at a dining table and eat and talk together without distraction of phones on laps or headphones on ears.

We have already established rules about technology use in our house (too many rules if you ask our 16-year-old daughter).

Every evening, all devices – phones, laptops, iPads – are brought upstairs to charge so they are out of bedrooms. No technology in rooms at bedtime.

But almost every day, this simple request causes angst – to me and to the kids. Even though this process happens daily, it usually takes several (increasingly terse) requests before it is finally done (with
a scowl).

Then there is the constant monitoring of how much time they may be spending on social media instead of doing study or homework.

It is exhausting.

But even when devices are put finally secured away, one must still remain alert. Teenagers, love them, can be wily creatures and will often do what it takes to keep technology by their side.

Parenting experts and teenage psychologists have seen it all before.

Some teens will hand in their phones but remove its SIM card and pop it into a second secret device. There may have a second (or more) shadow social media accounts. Or, if you don’t check carefully, they may simply only put the device case away. Or perhaps they brazenly creep into parents’ rooms and retrieve phones in the dead of night. Did I say it was exhausting?

And so to my decree: no technology devices on our holiday.

Predictably, there is screeching: “You can’t DO that!’’; “What if my friends need me?’’; “What if there’s an emergency?”; and finally, “You are ruining my life!’’

But, standing firm, phones, iPads, laptops are left behind.

The boys, accepting the ruling, move on. After a while, they break out a pack of cards. Then a board game. They walk the dog, they play hide and seek. Miracle of all miracles, they pick up a book.

Our 16-year-old girl stands firm in her huffiness for longer and there is perhaps two days of sulking, eye-rolling and moods. Then a breakthrough.

She joins with her brothers in a game of cards. They talk to each other. I see them interact meaningfully as siblings for the first time in months.

After a few days, our girl comes back to us. She is brighter, less sullen, more talkative. She helps with chores, she sits and talks about small things going on in her life. Removed from constant and addictive notifications from Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok, she relaxes.

After a week, I’m brave enough to ask her how the “detox’’ is going. She pulls a face and then smiles a little.

“Actually,’’ she says, “it’s been kind of nice having a break from social media.’’

Hurrah!

So, this holiday break, we are doing another technology detox (yes, kids, if you are reading this, we are).

Technology might try to steal my family. Sometimes, you have to claim it back.