Confessions of a train commuter: What nearly always sparks train brawls

There’ve been a few times my fellow train commuters have nearly come to blows recently while travelling between Brisbane and the Gold Coast. And you might be surprised at what nearly always kicks the brawl off ...

THERE’VE been a few times my fellow train commuters have nearly come to blows recently while travelling between Brisbane and the Gold Coast.

And you might be surprised at what nearly always sparks it.

Music.

And not just any music. Usually it is 90s pop classics - the cringe-worthy ones like Aqua’s Barbie Girl.

Here’s how it nearly always unfolds:

A young punk (yes I can’t believe I’m old enough to refer to them as that) sits there deliberately playing music loudly on his phone with no headphones.

Two train commuters on a Brisbane to Gold Coast train have a heated exchange, which ended with other commuters getting involved.

He’s shabbily dressed, has an attitude and generally appears to be a troubled teen.

Fellow passengers put up with the music blaring for a few songs before a generally well-dressed young professional male becomes the first to crack.

‘Could you please have some respect for the other passengers and turn your music off?’ he asks politely.

Mate... you just took the bait.

That is all young punk was waiting for.

There’s no going back from here, it’s on.

Other commuters move in around the two arguing men, urging them to stop.

The young punk throws around the ‘f**k you, I’m not turning it off’ response.

A few other passengers - generally other well-dressed men - feel the need to reprimand him on his bad manners: ‘don’t use that language, there’s children on-board’, they scold.

Cue more f-bombs from young punk, throw in plenty of c-words and we are off and racing.

Other passengers pull out their headphones to listen to what the commotion is about, all exchanging quizzical glances and head shakes - an unspoken way of saying ‘this generation has no respect’

At this point, a mum with a child on-board has had enough of the foul language, she pipes up ‘that’s enough, there are children around, please sit down and be quiet’.

Love, if you think reasoning with young punk is going to work, you are sorely mistaken. It just gives him more ammunition to continue to expletive-laden rant.

Several men get up and surround him, demanding he get off the train - to which he unsurprisingly responds with ‘get f**ed I’m not getting off the train’.

More professional men get involved and young punk starts threatening to ‘punch their heads in’.

Other passengers all rousingly yell at him to get off the train, at which point the train driver has been alerted to the unfolding quarrel and suspends the train at the station.

Security come on-board and yank him off.

Coincidentally, it seems to always end around Beenleigh station.

It’s like young punk planned it that way.

And that, my friends, is what it’s like to commute from Brisbane to the Gold Coast via Logan.