AFL’s priggish fine for Ken Hinkley is a load of precious nonsense | David Penberthy
Australians like to think of themselves as a tough bunch with a sense of humour, writes David Penberthy. But that’s not reality.
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What a nation of snowflakes we have become.
Australia fancies itself a knockabout and laconic place, somewhere which combines a sense of toughness and a sense of humour.
The reality is that we are increasingly less like Crocodile Dundee or Chips Rafferty than Frank Spencer from Some Mothers Do ‘Ave Em, a bunch of humourless, panicky little nerds who obsess about proper behaviour and respect for the rules, the number of rules expanding with every passing day.
It is hard not to marvel at the priggishness of the AFL in handing down any kind of sanction towards Ken Hinkley over the “incident” at the end of last Friday’s qualifying final.
Conduct unbecoming? What a load of precious nonsense.
You can argue the toss about whether Hinkley’s behaviour was misguided or immature, and whether it would have been better to celebrate with his players rather than revving up his rivals.
Hinkley himself recognised immediately that he fired up in the heat of the moment and wishes he ignored his opponents and let the scoreboard do the talking.
How absurd that the AFL elevated this to the same level as the matter of GWS assistant coach Jason McCartney against Swans player Tom Papley earlier this year.
$20,000 for colliding with a bloke’s chest, and $20,000 for pretending to be an aeroplane.
What would happen if the 1989 Hawthorn-Geelong Grand Final was played in 2024?
The AFL would run a month-long series of restorative justice seminars where the offenders were forced to confront their victims and apologise for their transgressions, like in Rwanda after the civil war.
Imagine if the Ramsgate Hotel brawl happened today.
Josh Carr and Mark Ricciuto would have to attend a course about toxic masculinity and issue a joint statement disavowing violence in all its forms after being photographed hugging each other in Henley Square.
I am not arguing we should bring back the biff, a la that fictional rugby league character Reg Reagan who longs for the golden era of State of Origin where blokes could commit any crime shy of murder.
We should obviously disavow violence.
But we have gone so far down the road of behavioural rectitude that jokes and hand gestures are now so hurtful or incendiary that it requires an urgent crisis meeting at AFL House.
The end result is that a good bloke in Ken Hinkley - who had just endured a near-death coaching experience, saved by a bunch of guys who played their hearts out for him - is given the same fine as someone who physically shoves a rival in the chest.
He doesn’t swear, doesn’t say anything racist or homophobic, makes no physical contact, merely some gentle ribbing, during all of which he has a wry smile on his face, and the tut-tutters are out in full force.
Lest this read like an uncharacteristic defence of the Port Adelaide Football Club, I’d take the opportunity to have a gentle dig at my mate David Koch for his own tut-tutting in the aftermath of the recent showdown.
Koch suggested in light of the Josh Rachele teeth brouhaha that Port and the Crows should talk ahead of the next Showdown about how the relationship could be framed around one of intense competition but with greater mutual respect.
Nothing like a free lecture on decorum from the club that brought us David Granger.
Kochie’s message was clear - it’s time that our elitist, arrogant club which has no culture or tradition and was created in a courtroom should stop calling people names.
Time for us chardonnay-swilling, knee rug-wearing, apricot slice-eating toffs to refrain from personal invective.
I’ve never heard anything more hypocritical in my life. But more importantly, why do we want to be so dull?
Why sanitise something which people regard overwhelmingly as a thrilling release from our day to day lives?
Our state’s two most senior leaders thought the showdown drama was a storm in a teacup.
Port-mad Peter Malinauskas said the sledging added to the spectacle; Grant Stevens said police had no evidence of any increase in misbehaviour at Showdowns, and frankly had better things to do than worry about whether players were gesticulating in a dangerous fashion.
Australia can hold its head high when it comes to how we celebrate sport. We are not afflicted by hooliganism.
No stadium has been burnt to the ground, no-one crushed to death.
There are idiots, sure, but they are the smallest minority.
Not only are we more than capable of going to a game with friends who barrack for a rival club, we kind of revel in it.
The fact that Poms and Italians marvel at the fact that Aussie rival fans can sit alongside each other at the footy is something we should cherish.
So let’s stop sweating the small stuff.
Let’s stop taking character and characters out of the game. The banter and gee-ups and up-yourses afterwards are part of the theatre of it all.
A Port mate of mine (known to our radio listeners as Dave from Alberton) sent a droll text on Wednesday when the news broke that Matt Crouch would not be facing police charges over touching a Port fan on the hat.
“I hope my Teal counterpart has recovered adequately from his crippling injuries,” Dave wrote.
My reply: “I can’t believe he got away with it. In fact I really can’t believe he got away with it given Ken copped 20k for pretending to be an aeroplane.”
Don’t laugh folks. With the AFL running things, Crouch should count himself genuinely lucky.
Won’t someone think of the hats?
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