A giant phallus is the last thing we need to symbolise Brisbane

If Brisbane really needs a famous landmark to cement its status as an Olympic city, it should be inspired by the city’s existing beauty, and not based on the idea that bigger is always better, writes Phil Brown.

Do we really need a giant phallic symbol as the embodiment of our Olympic future? I couldn’t help think of Dr Evil’s spaceship in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me when I heard of businessman Harvey Lister’s idea for a soaring 500m tower to put Brisbane on the map as an Olympic city of the future.

In the Austin Powers movie people are tracking Dr Evil’s spaceship when they notice that it looks like a male appendage.

“Colonel you better have a look at this radar,” says controller Johnson. “What is it son?” the Colonel asks.

“I don’t know sir but it looks like a giant …” “Dick” chimes in a jet pilot communicating with a colleague. And so the joke goes on … and on with various euphemisms … pecker, Willie and the rest. You’ve seen the movie right?

Do we really need to erect a towering building that looks like Dr Evil’s spaceship?

Now Harvey Lister has had some terrific ideas. He’s ASM Global’s Asia Pacific Boss and their Brisbane Live project is set to become a game-changing development for the CBD. That’s a great project. But methinks Mr Lister has had a bit of a rush of blood to the head with this idea of a giant tower next to it to draw attention to us. I’m thinking Kath and Kim now …

“Look at moi! Look at moi!”

My first thought was, however, here we Joh again. I’m sure this idea cropped up during the Joh era. But it never got up, if you’ll pardon the pun.

We already have plenty of big stuff in Australia, including icons like the Big Pineapple. In fact I think we have enough.

Besides it wouldn’t be the biggest. The Burj Khalifa in Dubai is 828 metres high which would well and truly eclipse our proposed 500 metre structure and there are other taller buildings.

The Burj Khalifa would trump our tower

One of the beauties of Brisbane is that it is many ways a subtler city than, say, Sydney. Brisbane is a lovely subtropical capital that rewards those who like to dig beneath the surface. We have wonderful institutions such as QAGOMA and QPAC and great bridges and terrific precincts and we will have enough bling with the Queen’s Wharf development frankly.

Do we really need a giant shiny phallic skyscraper to draw attention to ourselves? Are we that insecure?

We already have the Olympics in 2032, that’s a given, so we don’t need to try too hard to impress. We should have confidence in our city as it is and just be ourselves. Our best selves. Sure let’s make some improvements but the idea of spending $500 million on a glitzy tower is frankly a tad obscene.

Here’s an idea … how about we spend that money on public housing? We have a lot to do to improve the social equity of Queensland society before the Olympics arrives.

I see that the Premier and the Lord Mayor have both publicly supported calls for a new landmark in the capital but I think they should all take a cold shower and think about what really matters, what s really important.

A tower that would stick out like dog’s balls is not the answer. If they do end up building it I’ll tell you one thing for sure. You won’t get me up it. I have seen The Towering Inferno one too many times.