Lisa Harnum’s mum speaks out 10 years after balcony fall murder

Ten years after Lisa Harnum was thrown to her death by her fiance, her grieving mum shares chilling insight into his controlling behaviour as part of her mission to raise awareness of the danger inherent in coercive control.

“The pain does not go away. You just learn to live with it.”

Ten years after Lisa Harnum was murdered by her fiance Simon Gittany, time weighs heavily on her mother Joan.

The grief lingers and is visceral on the anniversary. Flashes force their way in of the ferocious speed with which Gittany, in an apoplectic rage, took a life.

The Court accepted that Gittany unloaded Lisa off a 15th floor Sydney apartment balcony.

From Canada, 15,000km away from her daughter, Joan messaged Gittany, frantic and helpless. Now the memory leaves her empty.

“Lisa was a caring angel who forgave and loved.”

Initially Lisa was happy, Joan recalls today. She said Lisa told her family Simon was a kind friend who offered her a room at his place as she searched for a permanent apartment and a job, with the ultimate goal of becoming an Australian citizen.

Lisa Harnum with Simon Gittany, who was convicted of her murder.

Lisa and Simon would hit the clubs together and their social groups merged. Joan says in early 2010 as their romantic relationship was established, Gittany’s concerning behaviour was present, yet subtle, within the context of the honeymoon stage and the accompanying highs of quickly developing feelings of closeness.

One minute Gittany was exuberant and charming, showering Lisa with attention. The next, the mask came off as he expressed immoderate displeasure about her friends, claiming they weren’t up to scratch, Joan says.

As the slow drift towards the chilly surrounds of isolation started knocking Lisa’s self-esteem off kilter, the circle of trust noticed a distinct change. It was out of character for Lisa not to hang out with her girlfriends, Joan recalls. 

Trips to the supermarket became an increasingly convoluted occasion.

Lisa, who liked to wear dresses and heels, was issued a list of directives related to her appearance. Flat shoes, modest clothing and hair worn in up-styles, which he told Lisa would help her avoid another man’s sexual desire.

The duration of the trip was carefully monitored and if the clock edged into overtime, Lisa would return home to a line of questioning, said Joan.

The physical distance between the lovers impacted Gittany’s perimeters of control when Lisa visited family in Canada for Christmas 2010. Joan recalled he would call her at all hours.

“Where was she?”. “Who was she with?”.

Lisa’s brother Jason and mum Joan are still grieving her death.

His accuracy and knowledge about her location piqued Lisa’s interest.

She surmised Gittany knew someone in Toronto who was following her and told Joan he had dropped into a conversation he had contacts everywhere and they could be watching. Lisa expressed the intensity of how much he missed her was stressful, and thought it was too much.

As the months progressed, Lisa told her mother she believed she was under surveillance.

Gittany could play the role of both passive and active participant, pervading the most private of communications.

The period Lisa was trying to leave the relationship was dangerous to her existence. She attempted to camouflage herself through secret conversations and planned a precarious mission involving her mother collecting her and returning to Canada.

Details of Gittany’s surveillance of Lisa were put forward to the court.

A discovery that the small number of friends she was still in contact with were trying to help Lisa leave, further threatened his insecure and dependent approach to the relationship.

As Lisa asserted herself and threatened to leave, Joan said he told Lisa he would drive her to the airport, but she would not be able to stay in Australia if they were not together.

Seemingly incongruous events occurred simultaneously, highlighting the complicated and entangled nature of controlling behaviour.

Lisa Harnum was thrown to her death from a 15th-storey balcony in July 2011.

The balcony where Lisa was thrown off in July 2011.

Gittany’s public marriage proposal to Lisa at a restaurant in front of his family and friends appears to be a textbook scene of a vibrant couple looking to commit.

In video widely available online Lisa is beaming — then emotion kicks in and she puts her hands over her face and becomes teary — before finally nodding in acceptance.

Privately she was actively thinking about a life without Gittany.

Less than seven weeks after the engagement, on the morning of July 30, 2011, Gittany was captured on CCTV restraining Lisa and dragging her back inside their unit. Sixty-nine seconds later he murdered her.

Gittany moved on.

The murder trial saw him arriving hand-in-hand with Rachelle Louise to a swelling media pack, and onlookers fascinated by the ever-developing story.

Lisa Harnum moved to Sydney from Canada and met Gittany in 2010.

Simon Gittany moved on with new girlfriend Rachelle Louise.

Rachelle Louise supported his declaration of innocence. Gittany floated the suggestion to the court that the Harnum family might feel comfort to hear him say Lisa was not murdered. 

It was an account from a witness, who was walking through Hyde Park as Lisa died, that provided the breakthrough in the court case. Deranged male screams and the sight of a man unloading an object, which at first he thought was luggage or rubbish.

Ten years after that chilling moment, Mark Tedeschi AM QC said of the evidence: “It was eyewitness testimony that he provided to the police very soon after the event and he was an utterly reliable witness and the judge accepted it entirely.”

On November 27, 2013 NSW Supreme Court Justice Lucy McCallum found Gittany guilty of Lisa’s murder. Justice McCallum conveyed a pessimistic outlook when considering his likelihood of rehabilitation.

She noted family support for his defiance of responsibility would not help the process. In 2016 Gittany’s appeal was unanimously dismissed.

As Gittany serves time at Hunter Correctional Centre, his daily life is highly controlled with a strict routine; clothing and food are chosen for him. He will be 57 at the earliest possibility of release from prison in 2031.

 The 10-year anniversary of Lisa’s death coincides with a robust conversation about whether coercive control should be criminalised in NSW, set against a backdrop of Covid lockdowns. A Parliamentary Committee tabled a report that found the current laws fall short. Clear definition of what constitutes coercive control is required.

NSW MP Anna Watson hopes the creation of an offence could help prevent domestic violence related murders from which 17 women and five children were killed in NSW in 2020.

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NSW woman Sophia (not her real name) recognises coercive control as a red flag for other domestic violence related offences. She is a survivor.

Diagnosed with complex PTSD, Sophia points out it’s inaccurate to portray her long-term marriage as unhappy all the time. A smile pops up as she remembers trips away where decisions were made on a whim and tourist attractions and restaurant meals filled their days. Once the stresses of everyday life returned, Sophia says the psychological harm was at times more damaging than physical outbursts of violence.

Accompanying her during trips to the supermarket; her husband would choose what went into the trolley. He controlled her clothes, religion and spirituality, accessed her Facebook account and placed tracking on her phone at one point.

Familiar fury resurfaced after the couple returned home from a mate’s place, culminating in Sophia apologising for mingling with male friends. She had become a master of appeasement.

A pattern of punishment informed her navigation of his moral compass. The catalyst to leave was an argument which she says turned violent.

Journalist Deborah Clay.

Now separated, Sophia claims her ex tells her if she finds someone else, things will turn bad for her: “From the bottom up, your confidence is completely shattered by this kind of experience.”

As part of the rebuilding process, she sees a psychologist, GP, and writes poems.

“I feel like I am a different person. I actually realised I have so much worth and so much to give to the world.”

Sophia believes a perpetrator is not always capable of transformative change.

“These behaviours are so embedded within our society and the abuser’s attitudes and subconscious.”

Joan Harnum is hopeful that pockets of tangible change will continue to emerge for the awareness of coercive control.

A man in Ireland was recently jailed for three years over his controlling behaviour. She reflects that in 2021, it is easier for men to track their victims online and a large amount of the activity is considered legal.

Discussion should be encouraged in schools, so children understand coercive control is unacceptable. Women should seek out information about their partner’s behaviour in previous relationships.

Joan says Lisa did not know about Gittany’s criminal history until near the end. Lisa thought there was good in every person and she met Gittany through a mutual friend.

“Don’t let them tell you it’s different with you — a bad habit is a bad habit,” said Harnum.

Lisa’s tragedy shows controlling behaviour can be carried out on anyone and incremental escalation can be difficult to perceive. Independence is vital to a loving relationship, and ultimately a life.

Deborah Clay is the national news director of Australian Radio Network

If you need help: 1800 RESPECT; Lifeline 13 11 14; lisahf.org.au

Originally published as Lisa Harnum’s mum speaks out 10 years after balcony fall murder