Playing dirty or just well-played?: Three rules of politics Peter Dutton should know

Playing dirty or just well-played? It doesn’t matter – it’s just part of the political game. And Peter Dutton should know the three golden rules in politics.

There are three golden rules in politics: Never say you’re going to win, never stand in front of an exit sign, and never — ever — touch a ball.

Just look at Peter Dutton: A blokey Queensland cop genetically built to play ruck for the Brisbane Lions. If anyone should be able to handle a footy it’s him.

But fate makes no exceptions: Politician touches ball, someone must die.

Bob Hawke almost literally died when he was taken out by a cricket ball at the height of his powers.

A Channel 10 camera man fell victim to Peter Dutton’s ball kick at a media appearance in Darwin. Picture: NewsWire

A Channel 10 camera man getting bandaged up after the incident. Picture: NewsWire

John Howard’s pride died when he bowled a cricket ball that couldn’t even take out a blade of grass.

Kevin Rudd’s dignity died when he engaged anyone he met in a game of handball.

And some poor kid nearly died when he was spear tackled by Scott Morrison during a soccer match.

Prime Minister John Howard takes on a young Pakistani batsman in a game of cricket at Dhanni, in 2008.

Kevin Rudd gives some handball tips to local members of the Yule Brook Yongas Football Academy in 2008. Picture: Keriis Berrington

And so Peter Dutton should have known better when he decided to engage in a bit of kick-to-kick with some young AFL players in Darwin.

The Opposition Leader let fly with a textbook drop punt which arced beautifully across the northern sky before coming into land squarely on a cameraman’s head.

And then just to really drive the point home the poor old camo then started bleeding profusely from the aforementioned dome, thus providing the perfect visual accompaniment to the story which he alone was unable to capture on camera.

It was truly a cruel blow in more ways than one.

Thankfully Dutton’s security detail was on hand to provide a quick patch up and the two blokes shook hands and all was well.

A subsequent investigation revealed the cameraman worked for Chanel Ten and not the ABC, so the incident was not considered to be premeditated.

What was premeditated was Dutton’s announcement today that the Coalition would take the Port of Darwin back into Australian hands after it was given to China under a 99-year lease by the Turnbull government.

But all that premeditation didn’t save it from a pre-emptive strike by Anthony Albanese who appeared to get wind of the announcement and spoiled it with the government’s own plan to take back Port Darwin, which — like all major international geo-strategic declarations on matters of national security — was announced on ABC Darwin talkback radio on Friday afternoon.

Playing dirty or just well-played? It doesn’t matter – it’s just part of the political game.

And that’s the only game that politicians should be playing.

Originally published as Playing dirty or just well-played?: Three rules of politics Peter Dutton should know