Treasurer’s speech a plea for forgiveness from regions

Queensland Treasurer Jackie Trad has delivered her second State Budget, and we’ve deciphered what she actually meant in her speech to Parliament.

Queensland Treasurer Jackie Trad has delivered her second State Budget. Here’s what she actually meant in her speech to Parliament.

Your five-minute guide to Queensland’s state budget

Queensland Budget 2019: The most important word used by Treasurer Jackie Trad

Public service to be cut by $200m next year, but no forced redundancies

1. What she said: “Today I deliver a Queensland budget unashamedly focused on our regions.’’ What she meant: “I want to make a formal apology to regional Queensland for the Australian Labor Party’s entire 2019 Federal Election Campaign.”

2. What she said: “I do so because Queensland is the most decentralised state in the Federation.’’ What she meant: “I keep forgetting you still wield extraordinary political muscle.’’

3. What she said: “A state that relies ... on the character and resilience of its regional communities.’’ What she meant: “I don’t want to harp on this theme but, seriously, I am deeply sorry about that campaign – unforgiveable!’’

Queensland Treasurer Jackie Trad during the state government's 2019-20 Queensland budget media briefing in Brisbane. (AAP Image/Glenn Hunt)

4. What she said: “A state that relies, more than any other, on the strength of the regional cities and towns.’’ What she meant: “Forgive us, I beseech you!’’

5. What she said: “Mr Speaker, this is a budget for regional Queensland.’’ What she meant: “And If Bob Brown leads a Green convoy up north during the state election campaign I swear to God I’ll sic a flock of black-throated finches on him.’’

6. What she said: “When our regions do well, all of Queensland does well.’’ What she meant:

“And I hope to God their little beaks are sharp.’’

7. What she said: “Since 2015 the Palaszczuk Government has invested $29 billion in infrastructure outside of Brisbane.’’ What she meant: “You West End vegans can choke on your soy latte and brown rice, because we’re serving up coke and sausage rolls in the year ahead.’’

8. What she said: “We choose to prepare our state for the future by investing in new industries and skills.’’ What she meant: “Bear with me. This is just a set up line for the one that follows.’’

9. What she said: “We choose NOT to cut, sack and sell.’’ What she meant: “Just letting little ol’ Campbell Newman off the leash for another romp through the electoral sub conscious. We do it every year.’’

10. What she said: “And we make these choices because our economic plan is working to create jobs. What she meant: “Seriously, that man is the gift that never stops giving.”

11. What she said: “In the long term there is no greater threat to job creation than climate change.’’ What she meant: “Let me just pause here, remove my shoes, and begin to tread ever so delicately across this electoral minefield.’’

12. What she said: “And it is places like Queensland where regional jobs matter so much that stand to lose the most.” What she meant: “I know a lot you regional types are a little sceptical about climate change, but it’s kinda, sorta, well... a tiny little bit true.’’

13. What she said: “Queenslanders know better than anyone how these events devastate the economy and damage the budget bottom line.’’ What she meant: “And it costs a bomb.’’

14. What she said: “So because of the environmental emergency unfolding over decades, the government has an immediate economic responsibility.’’ What she meant: “We might have to do a teeny, weeny little bit of tweaking in public policy to help avoid the impending destruction of the human race.’’

15. What she said: “And that’s why we are pursuing a range of initiatives to lower emissions and create more renewable energy.’’ What she meant: “But you’ll still get the Adani coal mine.’’

16. What she said: “We will achieve surpluses in every year of the forward estimates period.’’

What she meant: “Because we kind of still need those coal royalties.’’

17. What she said: “We will continue to see the net worth of the state grow.’’ What she meant: “Bloody coal! Like a rich old aunt you can’t stand who keeps giving you hideously expensive birthday gifts.’’

18. What she said: “And by 2021, for the first time, the state’s net worth will be more than $200 billion.” What she meant: “But she’s family, so you gotta put up with her.’’