‘I completely lost myself’: Home and Away star Emily Weir’s candid revelation

Aussie actress Emily Weir has opened up about life in the public eye and how her pursuit of fame led to a breakdown.

There was a time actor Emily Weir was desperate to be famous. Not anymore.

The popular Home and Away star simply wants to be known for doing good work and having balance in her life.

“I wanted to be famous, of course I did,” Weir revealed on the latest episode of the Mental As Anyone podcast.

“I would do Spice Girls performances and magic shows. I loved the attention. I could see how happy it made my parents and my family performing … there was a lot of gratification that came from it, but yeah, of course I had dreams to be famous.

“But … coinciding with that, I loved to dance, I loved to sing and I loved to act, I would just be constantly performing, singing, dancing in the living room on my own for hours and hours so it all kind of tied into one.”

It is rare for an actor to speak so openly about their pursuit of success. Usually they play their aspirations down.

“Seeing a lot of famous people and how much their privacy is compromised … it doesn’t actually seem that attractive to me anymore,” Weir said. “Once upon a time, it was.”

Weir, 34, joined Home and Away as Mackenzie Booth in 2019 and quickly became one of the most popular characters on the TV soap.

It was understandably a dream come true but also changed her ideas on success and fame.

“Coming onto Home and Away, I was like, I’ve got to do everything, be everywhere, because that means I’ll get to the next thing,” she explained.

Emily Weir (left) in the 2019 finale of Home And Away.

“But at the end of the day, all that stuff is really well and good but if it doesn’t gel with you, you’re kind of constantly seeking that external validation. In the end, if I am not comfortable inside and I’m relying on that, that’s a dead end.

“I’ve had that in this job – I’ve had the partner, I’ve had the house, I’ve had the job, I’ve been skinny and fit, and I was like, ‘tick, tick tick, boom’, and (I was) the most unhappy I’ve ever been in my personal life.

Weir learnt that the “hard way” about three years into the job.

“It’s a myth, it doesn’t work. You think if you get all your ducks in a row, that you’re going to feel a certain way, feel safe, feel seen, feel loved by yourself internally, but if the building blocks are not there, nothing external will ever fit, fix that hole. I thought that would make me feel fulfilled and I had a complete breakdown like three years in.”

Weir says she is no longer attracted to the trappings of fame. Picture: Sam Tabone/Getty Images

Sophie Dillman, Patrick O’Connor, Emily Weir and Tristan Gorey on the set of Home and Away in the Whitsundays. Picture: Jeremy Greive

Weir worked through those tough times, where she was forced to face difficult questions like what she stood for and wanted out of life.

“I just completely lost myself,” she said.

“It was shifting my perception of what I thought I needed to be happy and what I actually need to be happy. I am really grateful for what I do but it also has nothing to do with who I am. You have to kind of separate yourself from the worth of the job.”

In 2020, Weir revealed to The Daily Telegraph she was two and a half years sober, giving up alcohol as she sought help to unpack trauma from her past.

“I had no shame about it,” she said of that time.

Emily Weir on the latest episode of the Mental As Anyone podcast with chief entertainment writer Jonathon Moran. Picture: Christian Gilles,

“I still am really proud to be sober. It ain’t easy (but) it is one of the things that I’m most proud of in my life. It is like that movie, Sliding Doors. I often think about where I would have ended up if it weren’t for being able to get sober, it’s certainly not here. The disease does not discriminate. I think the more light that we can shed on it, the more people can talk about it, the more people can get help. It is a disease that destroys, not only the people who are suffering from it, but also the people around them who are trying to help them.”

* Mental As Anyone is available to stream wherever you listen to your favourite podcasts.

Originally published as ‘I completely lost myself’: Home and Away star Emily Weir’s candid revelation