OPINION: ‘Get off the f***ing road’: early morning cyclist act ruining it for everyone

Cyclist often bare the brunt of frustrations on the road but this one act really takes the cake.

Generic photos of Hedges Avenue. 23 December 2023 Gold Coast Picture by Richard Gosling

There’s always one.

You can be in the most beautiful location, in the best mood, with the most perfect conditions, when some knob comes along and ruins it.

Take my husband, for instance,

And no, he is not the knob in question (this time).

Mr Moore woke up early on Father’s Day, gifting himself with a run on this first perfect morning of spring, with his route taking him along the beachfront stretch of Hedges Ave.

Running along at pace, basking in both the sun and the glory of being a middle-aged marathon medallist (for participation), his runner’s high crashed as he heard shouting behind him.

“Get off the f***ing road!” yelled the MAMIL on a bike, pointing towards the curb. “FOOTPATH!”

To be clear, this cyclist did not yell at one runner in the way, but every single sprinter in the vicinity.

Given it was early, the street was not overly crowded and there was, in fact, room for everyone.

Generic photos of Hedges Avenue. 23 December 2023 Gold Coast Picture by Richard Gosling

While it’s true that the roadway of Hedges Ave is for cars and bicycles only – with the footpath designated for pedestrians whether running, walking, pushing a pram or accompanied by canines – it’s become common practice for faster pedestrians to use the street, for both the safety of slower walkers, as well as their own ankles and joints.

Unfortunately, the footpath along Millionaire’s Row is better suited to Slumdog Street, with its steeply tilted surface, countless cracks, uneven joins and a landscape littered with electricity pole landmines.

It’s an issue the council is aware of and, hopefully, will one day (soon) be fixed, but in the meantime, it’s a matter of choosing the safest course and looking out for your fellow walkers, runners, riders and drivers.

Not this knob, though.

In fact, my husband said the MAMIL in question has been yelling at runners for years, during which time the footpaths have deteriorated almost as much as old mate’s attitude.

So what is it with some people who just have to go out of their way to make your day worse?

Because as much as I’d like to believe that the MAMIL was a lone wolf, I’ve seen his type before … and I’m betting you have too.

If you haven’t, best take a quick look at this list. Because, as the saying goes, if you don’t know who the knob is, it might be you.

At the beach:

There can be acres of untouched sand, yet this person will choose to set up camp just inches from your towel.

To add insult to injury, they’ll then pull out their speaker and start blasting some doosh-doosh music with so much bass the song is distorted. Which, honestly, is probably an improvement.

If you’re lucky, they’ll then blissfully ignore their dog or child flicking sand in your direction, and/or set up a ball game that involves you becoming collateral damage.

All of these activities are perfectly permissible at the beach … so long as you have sequestered yourself in your own sandy space.

At the gym:

So much potential for so many bad behaviours here.

From the stinky person who hasn’t bothered with laundry day in a month, to the person who doesn’t wipe down the equipment after they’ve deposited a significant amount of bodily fluid, to the person who offers unsolicited advice on your ‘technique’ … there’s a reason why people quit the gym.

But the worst toxic trait is when someone thinks this shared space is actually their own social media studio, taking their sweet time to set up the perfect shot of their perfect workout. They might be glammed up to work out, but who wants to be the embodiment of the ‘before’ photo in their background?

Also, who actually wants to watch someone else’s workout?

On the road:

Where to start?

Tailgating, hogging the fast lane, a complete lack of understanding of roundabout rules … it’s the wild west on our streets.

And there’s no respite even out of the car. From double-parking, to unfair parking tickets to suburban blow-ups about parking spaces, maybe it’s better to just walk.

Just as long as it’s not along Hedges Ave.

Originally published as OPINION: ‘Get off the f***ing road’: early morning cyclist act ruining it for everyone