Ann Wason Moore on whether it’s OK to poo during work hours

It’s the question that is splitting staff … is it OK to do your business at work?

There are two kinds of people in this world.

In group number one we have those who refuse to do their business during business hours, while group number two consists of those who will do exactly that while on the company clock.

Whichever group you fall into, it’s good to see our tax dollars doing their doodie with Queensland Health’s push to normalising taking a s**t during your shift.

Rather than just bog standard messages like getting your flu shot or having your skin checked, a social media post on the official Queensland Health site last week had people going potty.

Set against a Lisa Frank-esque background of dolphins and rainbows and a soundtrack of Clean Bandit’s Symphony, the giant message simply stated: “It’s okay to poo at work.”

Followed by the sparkly heart and poo emoji, obviously.

Even better, this wonderful public service announcement came complete with a little survey that asked, to paraphrase Shakespeare, whether ’tis nobler at work to poo or not to poo?

Queensland Health ad encouraging people to poop on company time.

Of the more than 9500 responses, a staggering 67 per cent said they do indeed take a load off during working hours, while 33 per cent said they prefer to do their business at home.

This is not to dump on those who do just that at the workplace, but how do you just, in the words of Frozen, let it go?

I don’t have any hygiene issues with the standard of public toilets in general – after all, I live with two teenagers and nothing is as frightening as our downstairs bathroom – but I could never be that … relaxed.

Fortunately, Queensland Health is privy to some advice regarding that issue.

“Consistently ignoring your need to poo can lead to stool getting stuck in your colon, haemorrhoids and other serious issues. So, it’s better to let it out than hold it in,” the post read.

“Here are some tips for a stress-free public toilet poo: Remember that everyone poops. Visualise someone famous on the toilet (like Taylor Swift).

“Bring a small fragranced spray in the toilet with you. Avoid food or drink that might trigger your bowels. Breathe deeply or do a short meditation exercise.”

Breathe deeply? You sure want to be careful with that timing.

And I’m sorry, but picturing Tay-Tay trying to shake it off just does not provide ins-poo-ration for me.

But maybe I should simply ask my son.

After all, the whole reason I became aware of this Queensland Health social media post was because he sent it to me … just days after I told him to stop pooping at work.

Look, normally I would encourage the old ‘when you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go’ message, but after consecutive weeks of him literally getting paid to poop, I thought he might be taking the piss.

He’s only working three-hours shifts … so how does nature call so conveniently?

In fact, during his last faecal feat, his supervisor was actually paging him over the store speakers because he had been gone so long.

And before anyone asks, my son WANTS me to write about this.

He swears he’s the normal one and I’m, well, uptight.

Judging by the comments on that Queensland Health post, he could be correct.

One of the most repeated responses was this poo-em: “They get a dollar, I get a dime, that’s why I poo on company time.”

Others chipped in with their two cents on a workday number two:

“Place multiple sheets of toilet paper before discarding your bowel motion and pretend to cough when it hits the toilet water ocean.”

Look, I may never be able to join this poo party, but I sure do appreciate the turd terminology … like ‘logging out’ at work, or ‘brownloading’.

But above all, it just makes me so happy that I work from home. Because there is truly no better place to do business.

Originally published as Ann Wason Moore on whether it’s OK to poo during work hours