WTF: Testing troubles, waiting on wellness, poolside pests, plate service
In this week’s WTF column, we tell the story of drug testers descending on a company’s local base, and wonder whether a $300m CBD development will feature a “fountain of youth”, while Geelong’s mayor has a new addition to his pool room.
WTF has been told of commotion unfolding at Cleanaway’s local depot on Wednesday when drug testers descended on the Moolap site.
Upon their return from collecting the region’s rubbish, as per the ASX-listed company’s contract with Geelong council, each one of the dozens of local drivers was required to undertake a drug test.
This proved to be a particular problem for four employees who, according to an insider, recorded a positive result and were subsequently stood down.
It is unclear whether they have – or will – got back behind the wheel.
We sought clarity from Cleanaway, but, somewhat predictably, WTF hit a brick wall.
“Cleanaway does not comment on internal disciplinary matters,” a spokesman said.
Similarly, a Transport Workers’ Union representative would not comment on the details of any matter involving its members.
Cleanaway workers and contractors, like many in the industry, can be subjected to random drug and alcohol testing.
But we’re told what made the most recent testing round unusual was that all drivers were tested, rather than the usual targeted approach that usually sees a handful or so of employees selected.
WAITING ON WELLNESS
We’re eagerly awaiting the release of updated plans for the mixed-use development at 20-28 Brougham St that is being spearheaded by high-profile developer and longevity obsessive Tim Gurner.
We’ve been asking all year for an update on the $300m project that was launched with much fanfare 3½ years ago and have been told a “significant announcement” is coming soon.
The fresh plans will include a hotel, ultra-luxe residences, ground-floor food and beverage, and a health and wellness offering.
Regarding the latter, we remain none the wiser as to whether the offering will mirror Gurner’s “private wellness clubs” in Melbourne that are making a splash among the city’s wealthy business types.
If you’re patient enough to endure the waitlist and lucky enough to pass the screening process, top-tier membership to the Saint Haven clubs in Collingwood, South Yarra and Toorak will set you back somewhere in the vicinity of $1000 a week.
If one were to be located at the former Denny Lascelles woolstore site, we can only assume it would be the only place in town where members could be fed vitamins and supplements via an IV drip before taking a dip in a “fountain of youth”.
“People literally bring in buckets to fill up,” Gurner recently told The Age.
POOLSIDE PESTS
Ah, parenthood.
That magical time when multi-tasking reaches Olympic levels.
But one enterprising mum at a local swim school decided to raise the bar, combining pest control with her children’s sporting activities.
Picture this: while little Timmy and Sally practised their backstroke, Mum whipped out her trusty nit comb for some al fresco grooming of child number three.
Because nothing says “quality family time” quite like delousing your offspring poolside while the others marinate in chlorinated water.
The assembled parents watched in stunned silence.
Phones emerged and frantic googling commenced: “Can nits survive underwater?”
Spoiler alert: these tiny freeloaders can hold their breath longer than most adults, clocking hours beneath the surface like aquatic ninjas.
The experts assure us transmission in pools is unlikely, and all kids wear swim caps (making the fight to get their heads into those things worth it all of a sudden) … time will tell.
Meanwhile, our multi-tasking hero continued her public grooming session, blissfully unaware she’d become the star of every parent WhatsApp group within a 50km radius.
PLATE SERVICE
The saying “straight to the pool room” was made famous in the 1997 Australian film The Castle.
And following last week’s photo shoot with the Addy, Geelong mayor Stretch Kontelj has a new addition to his.
The Kardinia ward councillor was keen to take home the personalised “STRETCH” number plate that our photographer Alan Barber brought along for the occasion (yes, it was our idea, not his).
The faux plate was bearing the tagline “GEELONG – CLEVER AND CREATIVE”, which Kontelj wants VicRoads to give the green light to as part of his push instil pride and showcase what the region wants to be known for.
Some readers, as was to be expected, were more than happy to put forward their own slogan.
“Pothole Capital”, “Outside The Salary Cap”, “City By The Bay”, and “The Place to Grow” featured among the sometimes less than savoury suggestions.
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Originally published as WTF: Testing troubles, waiting on wellness, poolside pests, plate service
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