WTF: Anticlimax at Sexyland, Brayshaw’s own goal, signs ahoy

In this week’s WTF column, fire crews rush to Geelong’s favourite outlet for experimental and open-minded adults, while AFL commentator James Brayshaw reveals geography is far from his strong suit.

Sexyland in North Geelong. Picture: Alan Barber.

There were fears that things were hotter than usual at Sexyland in North Geelong. Picture: Alan Barber.

Multiple Fire Rescue Victoria units rushed to Geelong’s favourite outlet for experimental and open-minded adults early Thursday afternoon.

Despite one onlooker believing the group had descended on Sexyland to audition for the annual firefighters calendar that continues to thumb its nose at political correctness, the group was not required to get their hoses out.

Following inquiries from WTF, an FRV spokeswoman confirmed that it was a false alarm.

A good result for not only business and its bunch of loyal customers, but also for the local environment considering the toxic fumes that burning latex, vinyl and rubber would spew out.

BRAYSHAW’S OWN GOAL

James Brayshaw, sporting his usual confused expression. Picture: Robert Cianflone / Getty Images).

In the age of Google Maps and every phone being a GPS in someone’s pocket, geography isn’t a subject for everyone.

It’s no surprise then, that some of the less-gifted members of the AFL media also struggle in this department.

James Brayshaw recently lashed our city with a tirade on Triple M’s Saturday Rub, describing Geelong as a “dump of a joint” and taking particular umbrage at the state of the roads.

Now, here at WTF we know Geelong’s roads are far from perfect. In some instances, they’re downright horrible.

But the big problem with Brayshaw’s whinge was the roads he highlighted were all in Melbourne.

Indeed, Brayshaw’s drivelling began by noting His Eloquence had departed the vicinity of our fair town.

“You leave Geelong and you get onto the freeway back to Melbourne,” he began.

“You approach the West Gate and it goes from four lanes at 10 o’clock to one lane at 15km (per hour),” he whined.

“Then it says, all right, as an option if you don’t want to do 20km (per hour) for half an hour in one lane behind trucks, there’s an option you can spit out onto the Ring Road,” crowed JB, referring to the Western Ring Road.

“So I went, you know what, stuff it. So I get onto the Ring Road and that’s completely shut.

“All four lanes of the Ring Road are completely shut.”

As much as this shocked JB, it should come as no surprise to Addy readers that the Western Ring Road is in west Melbourne.

We wonder what James Brayshaw’s good mate Billy Brownless made of his recent comments.

Brayshaw’s rant went on to lament that he had to go through the backstreets back onto the Bolte Bridge – a famously non-Geelong piece of infrastructure.

Brayshaw begged the state’s premier, Jacinta Allan, to leave the roads open, yet his blithering appeared laser focused on Geelong.

“Have a think about what goes on in Geelong — not much goes on there. They don’t have Madonna concerts on a weekly basis. They have one game of footy, it’s the only thing that happens in that dump of a joint.

“So when you have a game of footy leave your friggin' roads open. Jesus Christ how hard is it.”

Geelong council has been accused of many things by many people, and its tremendous influence is said to span far and wide, but control of Melbourne’s roads is – as far as we know – not a feather in City Hall’s cap.

James Brayshaw on Triple M.

Brayshaw’s inability to grasp the intricacies of geography and spatial awareness call into question his ability to call football matches.

Just to be safe, a “forward 50” is the end a team’s goals are kicked.

It should also be noted that Melbourne also does not boast Madonna concerts with any regularity – the last time the Queen of Pop blessed Melbourne was almost a decade ago.

A history lesson too, might be in order for JB.

SIGNS, AHOY!

Some waterfront residents of the Balmoral Quay development are scratching their heads over the arrival of these street signs on the waterfront walking path. Picture: Supplied.

Ah, the serenity of an uninterrupted view across Corio Bay with not a road in sight.

Wait, are they street signposts?

Waterfront residents of the Balmoral Quay development must be scratching their heads over the arrival of street signs on the path outside their bayside windows.

The signs could have fitted alongside buildings in the Rippleside complex, but instead take pride of place on the water’s edge.

They bear the names Sunrise Walk, Skipper Walk and Kurrewa Walk, which so far don’t exist in Google Maps, and intriguingly, a couple of the signs only point to locked gates.

And some more. Picture: Supplied.

The signs also have raised concerns among users of the waterfront track that cyclists may end up in the drink after clipping signposts as they dodge wayward walkers and unrestrained dogs.

Perhaps the eyesore poles could be painted eye-catching hazard yellow to help out!

Originally published as WTF: Anticlimax at Sexyland, Brayshaw’s own goal, signs ahoy