'We separated after 16 years when he cheated... I want to claim his super'

“It was always our agreement that I would stay home and raise the kids… I am not going to suffer at the end of my life because he cheated," the stay-at-home-mum reveals. 

The beginning of a relationship is all romance and sweet-nothings.

It’s definitely not about planning for future financial security. But the situation gets tricky when kids come along - women take time out of paid work to stay home and they stop putting money in their super.

But what happens if the relationship breaks down? Why should one partner end up with a comfortable retirement and the other one be left to struggle?

After all, both people were engaged in work, it’s just that one person was paid, and one wasn’t.

A recent post on the Mums on a Budget Facebook page highlights this issue.

“I recently separated from my children’s father (together 16 years),” a woman wrote in an anonymous post. “I am considering applying for some of his super.”

The comments were contentious. Some women believed the woman should have worked and contributed to her own super. Others were sympathetic, while some had useful advice on how to go through the process.  

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The woman had stayed at home with the kids, and now that she was facing divorce, she wanted a piece of her husband's super. Photo: iStock

Mum wants to apply for some of husband’s super following divorce

“We had chosen for me to stay home and raise the kids while we could afford just one parent working,” the mum clarified the situation in the comments.

“We were lucky to be able to do this. Obviously when you are together and assume it’s for life, you think you will split/share [the super] at the end.”

But that wasn’t to be for this woman.

“He slept with another woman and I kicked him out. I am not going to suffer at the end of my life because of his choice.”

Some women said super could be part of the financial settlement.

“They pool all your assets and divide, but super is done differently,” one woman said. “I got 65 percent of financial assets and then whatever super I was entitled to during the course of our relationship.”

Some mums shared cautionary tales.

“I didn’t when I divorced my hubby and I now regret it,” one woman said. “He was working while I stayed home for about nine years raising our four kids. He was able to earn and put towards his retirement, while I’ve only been working for about four years and I’m 37. I’m worried about my future.”

One woman thought the mum should have worked if she wanted super, but she was shut down by other commenters. Photo: Facebook

Centrelink payments and divorce settlements

The mum wasn’t just concerned for her future financial security, but also for the extra settlement money affecting her Centrelink payments.

Most agreed that because the super couldn’t be withdrawn as cash, it wouldn’t be included as income and therefore wouldn’t affect Centrelink payments. However Centrelink must be notified about any changes in circumstance, which could include any windfall or lump sum payment. 

“It doesn’t affect your Centrelink payments because you aren’t getting it as cash,” one person said. “If it’s decided during a legal financial settlement that you get a portion of super, it will transfer directly from his super account to yours, safely locked away for your retirement.”

Many mums agreed that it was about what both partners felt was fair.

“Our divorce was amicable. I kept the house for the kids and I (and the mortgage responsibility), he kept his super, some extra cash I provided him, and he was able to walk away debt free,” said one mum. “At retirement age, I’ll have the home paid off, but no super, he will have a decent super and home he now shares with his new partner. We’re both happy with this outcome.”

In divorce, always get legal advice

If a marriage breaks down, splitting up the assets isn't straightforward, and exes don't always leave the relationship with 50 percent.

That's why it's essential to get legal advice, whether you're hoping to access a portion of your ex's super, or get advice on how how to deal with Centrelink. 

The best way to secure your future and fight for what you deserve is with a good lawyer in your corner. 

Originally published as 'We separated after 16 years when he cheated... I want to claim his super'