Renovation’s a whole lot easier when you do nothing at all

I’d forgotten that part of the renovation process is that you have to choose fixtures and fittings, and some people get very passionate about this ... me not being one of them

Renovation time.

The house I bought and moved into a few months back is one of those quirky creations that evolved through the whims of several previous owners.

While I could live with it as it is and love where it is (I’ve timed a slow walk to the pub – three minutes), none of the rooms are big enough to house my TV.

Also the ensuite bathroom has been painted lime green and has a big frog stencilled on one wall, which is ruining the feng shui.

So, renovations are afoot. One of my fishing mates, Paul, is a builder. He was nearly killed a few months back. He was cutting grass using a ride-on mower on his rural property and a huge log that had lodged in a tree during a flood fell on him.

Luckily it was a glancing blow and he’s recuperated, and he’s easing back into work by taking a hammer to my place.

I’d forgotten that part of the renovation process is that you have to choose fixtures and fittings, and some people get very passionate about this - me not being one of them.

My romantic other was visiting when Paul was also in town and we were discussing the bathroom layout.

Before you could say “wet area or enclosed shower?” we were involved in a very intense debate about whether the vanity should be hanging off the wall or free-standing, and 1.2 or 1.5m long.

At least, they were. I switched off about two minutes in and wondered how long it would take to get to the pub if you jogged.

As the tension mounted, I was asked to adjudicate. “If we make the vanity 1.5m long, can we

incorporate a fish-filleting table at one end, Paul?”

His creative side kicked in. To my other visitor’s dismay, we then planned the bathroom for a dual role as a cleaning station for humans and fish. The bath could double as a live-bait tank, the heated towel rail as a fish-curing station.

His best idea was for the kitchen. “You can adapt an insinkerator to make burley!”

I’m now very excited by the project, but judging by my girlfriend’s reaction, a life of solitude

beckons.