Fran Whiting: My Remotely Achievable List for 2020

Frances Whiting says the key to a good New Year’s Resolution is to aim low.

Hello, hello! 2020! This is it, isn’t it? This is our year, our time, our decade to shake off the last ten years, which I think we can all agree wasn’t the best decade we’ve had, not least of all because it was the one in which our country caught fire.

More on that, by the way, next week, with something rather wonderful to tell you all about, but until then let us compile, as we do every year, our Remotely Achievable List for 2020.

Regular readers will know this is a list the realists among us write every year instead of New Year’s Resolutions, which history has taught us we rarely succeed at.

Instead, we lower the bar and vow to instead aim for things which are remotely within our reach, things that don’t require any long term commitment or any meaningful sort of effort whatsoever. Now that’s my kind of list - and also, now I come to think of it, my life manifesto.

And yes, I do realise I’m a little late with this list this year, but that’s the thing about we remote achievers - we don’t care - I could write this in July and still he happy with myself.

Now, to prove just how achievable this sort of list is, let’s take a look at mine from last year and see how many of my goals I ticked off.

Right.

Columnist Fran Whiting at home. Picture: Mark Cranitch

Not so many, as it turns out. I did not marry Colin Firth - again - which frankly is a little disappointing, but I feel I am in with a better chance this year. This is because, as so many of you have kindly written to inform me, Colin has recently separated from his wife, and is now single. Serendipitously, my restraining order has now been lifted, so who knows what might happen.

Let’s see, what else? No, I did not learn how to pronounce “Acai”, but on the plus side, I don’t care, as I can confidently say I will never order it.

It’s like 2018’s “quinoa” all over again, isn’t it?

I see also did not fulfil my goal of “stop trying to blend in with my children’s friends” - if anything I’ve upped the ante, and have recently invited them all to follow me on my Instagram account @Francesiscool, but strangely, no-one has answered yet, I can’t imagine why.

So, last year’s list was, I admit, a bit of a bust, but I have high hopes for 2020’s list, which follows:

Stop falling over. Having broken or dislocated several parts of my body by foolishly attempting to move it from one location to another, I now accept that some people are meant to walk briskly around the earth, while others are meant to view it from the safety of their couch. If you need me anytime this year, I will be with my new best friend Jason Recliner.

Stop pretending I don’t know how to access Netflix/Apple TV/Foxtel/Stan, and admit I do know, I just want John to do it.

Join a book club. Read the allocated book in time, instead of googling reviews quickly beforehand and saying: “I found it confronting, lush and compelling.”

Continue to remain grateful to the people who are trying to save this sunburnt country of ours, through all her beauty and terror.