The movies you should never watch on a plane

There is nothing more uncomfortable on a flight than accidentally watching an inappropriate film.

Say what you like about me, you can’t deny I don’t value commitment.

I commit to the Big Things (I’ve been married for more than 20 years and I met my closest friends in the playground) and to the little things (I’ve yet to meet a meal I won’t finish). Unfortunately, my need to see a project through runs to films on planes – even when they make for inappropriate (and oh-so-awkward) public viewing.

My latest uncomfortable moment unfolded over the Indian Ocean when, in an economy aisle seat, I put on Nicole Kidman’s erotic thriller Babygirl. I should have known better; the movie was noted to be graphic, while Kidman admitted she had to pause filming because she “didn’t want to orgasm any more”, but once I started watching, I couldn’t look away. The problem (aside from my seatmates probably yearning to be anywhere else) was that others couldn’t look away either – not the people behind me, nor those standing in the aisle. Pretty soon it just felt like we were sitting in a pay-per-view cinema where nobody could leave, even if they wanted to. On the bright side, I did first check that no little sets of eyes were anywhere near my screen, so that’s... something.

All movies have a time and place and when it comes to sitting in a cramped metal capsule, some genres are best avoided. It makes sense, of course, to put a blanket ban on the likes of Babygirl, Crash, Last Tango in Paris and any movie that’s scooped the top gongs at the Cannes Film Festival (unless you’re not the kind of person who gets embarrassed easily).

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I put on Nicole Kidman’s erotic thriller Babygirl. I should have known better. Picture: Supplied.

Travel disaster movies

I’m not saying Flightplan, Passenger 57, Sully or Alive are bad movies, only that the last thing we should be thinking about en route to LA, say, is whether someone is planning to hijack the plane, or how soon your friends would eat you if you crashed into a mountain (and would they even wait for you to die first?). Don’t even get me started on Final Destination.

Sad movies

Blame low oxygen levels, stress or a heightened sense of vulnerability, but if the opening scenes of Past Lives have you howling into your shiraz, you’re in good company: a survey by Aircraft Interiors International found that 25 per cent of respondents reported crying while watching movies on a flight. I’m the kind of person who cries during Terminator 2 so I’m a huge fan of the site Does the Dog Die?, which crowdsources potential triggers. Watching the likes of Marley & Me, or Me Before You? Forget about it.

I’m not saying Flightplan is bad movie, only that the last thing we should be thinking about en route to LA, say, is whether someone is planning to hijack the plane. Picture: Supplied.

A series

Or, specifically, a series you can’t finish during the flight. I recently got stuck into The Turkish Detective and we landed during the second-to-last episode, leaving me wondering what on earth happened (until I got home and overcame jet lag). For someone who loves commitment, I might have found the one thing I just can’t commit to on planes.

A friend of mine (a grown man who also happens to be a travel writer) will only watch animated Disney movies on planes. Me? I’ve realised you can’t go wrong with fun, feel good movies like Crazy Rich Asians, The Wedding Singer and just about anything starring Reese Witherspoon. Now, if I could just find a version of Does the Dog Die? that covers books I read on planes, I’ll finally have this travelling thing sorted.

Originally published as The movies you should never watch on a plane