‘Scott Morrison is a genius’: Eddie B explains why she’s following his lead but in reverse

After learning of the former Prime Minister’s “genius” portfolio power grab, Edwina Batholomew is looking to make a similar move but with a twist.

It turns out Scott Morrison is a genius. Following news this week that he assumed responsibility for five additional portfolios, I’m now implementing the same move at home but in reverse.

I don’t want to bother the Governor-General with the paperwork and it seems there is no necessity to notify the government gazette so, instead, consider this all the notice you need.

Rather than a power grab, I’m looking at heading in the other direction to secretly palm off my responsibilities from the Prime Ministry of Mum to other parties. I’m already responsible for Home Affairs, Resources, Finance, Treasury and Health and, frankly, I could do with a couple of extra ministers to help share the load.

Let’s look at the responsibilities.

Home Affairs includes enforcement, justice and emergency management. It’s otherwise known as the “Department of No-don’t-do-that-because-if-you-do-you-will-hurt-yourself” and then dealing with the inevitable consequences when toddlers fling themselves off the couch anyway, miss the pillow and hit the floor. That’s when the emergency management component of the role kicks in.

Edwina Bartholomew believes Scott Morrison was on to something about sharing portfolios. Picture: AFP

Resources includes environmental protection and conservation of biodiversity including land contamination. When applied to our home, it revolves around whose responsibility it is to pick up the dog poo in the backyard and clean out limp lettuce leaves from the fridge.

Health is probably the most onerous. I’m looking to shift responsibility for middle-of-the-night wake-ups, washing vomit off sheets and the use of the snot sucker during cold season. It also means enduring Covid “isolation” with a toddler and five-month-old. Any takers?

Finally, Finance and Treasury covers budgeting for astronomical childcare fees and dealing with the impact of the rising cost of living on frozen chips and chicken nuggets. That in itself is a full-time job.

So thanks ScoMo for the top-notch idea. I’ll be briefing my husband on the above and sharing the mother load more equitably from here on in. And just like you, he’ll be reading about it for the first time in the newspaper.

Originally published as ‘Scott Morrison is a genius’: Eddie B explains why she’s following his lead but in reverse