Four sensible ways Australia Post can cut costs and save itself

If Australia Post wants to cut costs, Joe Hildebrand has a few sensible alternatives to cutting back on delivery frequency.

Just yesterday I opened the letterbox and was reprimanded by my six-year-old daughter.

“I already checked the letterbox and it didn’t say anything,” she said.

I knew then that the postal service was in trouble.

And apparently I am not the only one. Australia Post knows it, too, which is why it has made a submission to the federal government flagging that it may have to cut back on delivery frequency in order to cut ballooning losses.

Well, frankly, that’s not good enough. The few remaining letters I get these days may have been written by a computer and posted a week ago but if I don’t get the daily excitement of opening up the mailbox and seeing if there’s a new water bill, then what left is there of life?

Australia Post knows the postal service is in trouble too. Picture: NCA NewsWire/Christian Gilles

Instead, if Australia Post wants to cut costs, I have a few other far more sensible ideas:

1. Stop delivering speeding tickets. And don’t play dumb with me – you know which ones they are. The unmarked envelopes with a random PO box in a suburb you’ve never heard of.

You don’t deliver it, I don’t pay it, and we’ll just forget the whole thing ever happened.

2. Give me everything I drunk-buy online immediately. Sure, Amazon has a next-day delivery service but that’s far too late.

By then, I’ve already sobered up and am either consumed with regret or have already bought the same thing again from Kmart.

3. Get into the carpet-cleaning business. I have no idea how they do it but somehow ads for carpet cleaning just miraculously appear in letterboxes all over the country every single day – no stamp, no address, just boom! There they are. You need to get in on that action.

4. Hire back that chick you sacked. She seemed to know what she was doing.

Give her a watch if you have to.

So, there you go AusPost, you’re welcome. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go fix the energy crisis, the war in Ukraine and whatever the hell’s happening at Channel 10.

Originally published as Four sensible ways Australia Post can cut costs and save itself