Five ways to reignite the spark and revive your relationship

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, Chantelle Otten shares her top tips to reinvigorate your relationship.

According to Chantelle Otten, reigniting the spark doesn’t have to be a complicated process. Photo credit: Alex Wall

A relationship rut can feel frustrating and even isolating, but it doesn’t always signify the proverbial nail in the coffin.

If you and your partner are craving more sizzle and less fizzle, here is some advice to help you turn things around.

1. LOVE YOURSELF

It sounds obvious enough, and maybe even a little clichéd, but relationship problems often stem from projecting your own insecurities and gripes on to your partner.

Loving yourself can make you a more secure partner, according to The Self-Love Movement founder Alana Arvanitis.

“There are six elements to self-love: knowing yourself, self-acceptance, setting boundaries, listening to your intuition, speaking your truth and taking action,” she says.

“One of the best ways to start implementing acts of self-love into your daily routine is by creating a list of all the things that bring you pure joy and happiness, and then committing to those things.”

2 MAKE FRIENDSHIP THE FOUNDATION.

It turns out the friends-to-lovers trope has merit, with research published in the Social Psychological and Personality Science journal finding half of survey respondents thought a romance blossoming from a friendship was the best way to meet a partner.

Not only does friendship provide couples with a solid foundation to grow from, when there’s an intimacy lull, you can fall back on to your friendship because you remain secure in your emotional connection.

Oxford University Professor Robin Dunbar analysed a Fisherman’s Friend study of 2000 adults and found friendships are “the single most important factor” influencing both our psychological and physical health and wellbeing.

3. DO SOME DETECTIVE WORK

Sometimes the most obvious issues in a relationship are clear to everyone but the couple, which is why investing in professional services like couple’s therapy or seeing a sexologist can help you both adopt a more targeted, intentional approach to resolving your issues.

“I am a sex detective putting all the pieces of the erotic puzzle together to get my clients to a really happy and pleasurable place that aligns with their goals,” psycho-sexologist and Lovehoney ambassador Chantelle Otten says.

According to Otten, relationship and intimacy professionals can help provide a supportive, judgment-free space to allow couples to speak about their wants, needs and concerns to achieve their relationship goals.

“Many people find that partnering with a coach can greatly assist them in taking action to close the gap between where they are and where they want to be,” Heart Match founder and relationship coach Anna Swoboda says.

4. REBOOT YOUR SEX DRIVE

A dip in intimacy can be triggered by many underlying factors, which is why communication is the crux of a healthy relationship and sex life.

A change in libido can often be hormone related, especially for women, which is why so many experience changes to their sexual appetite when they go on or off contraception, fall pregnant or experience menopause.

Grab a copy of the February edition of Wellness+ this weekend.

“Libido is like a precious resource that is a result of a delicate balance of all our hormones playing in harmony,” naturopath Natalie McGrath says.

According to hormone and fertility naturopath Michelle Cooke, there are some easy, natural methods for boosting your libido, such as eating aphrodisiac foods like oysters, dark chocolate, watermelon and chilli.

More time in the sheets often leads to more time between the sheets.

“Make sure that you get to bed at a reasonable time,” Cooke says. “Because, let’s face it, you won’t feel in the mood if you’re tired.”

5. FIND THE TIME

Creating a family with the person you love is a beautiful concept, but often intimacy and your relationship together can take a back seat.

The House of Wellness TV co-host Jacqui Felgate suggests regularly checking in with your partner and date nights are key.

“We’re so busy running our lives as a family unit, I think sometimes we forget to think about how the other person may be feeling,” she says.

“Making time to spend together seems like a simple thing to do. It isn’t easy but if you can find that magic window (and a good restaurant and nice bottle of wine) it’s well worth the effort.”
Find more advice in the February edition of The House of Wellness+, available in this week’s Sunday papers and at participating Chemist Warehouse outlets.