Edwina Bartholomew: Adults only suburbs a ‘brilliant idea’

I love my kids, but child-free suburbs, pools and art galleries sound bloody good to me, writes Edwina Bartholomew.

Sunrise's Edwina Bartholomew likes idea of “adults only” suburbs in Australia. Source: Supplied

Did you hear the collective sigh of relief this week as kids were barrelled into the car and back to school?

I don’t even have school-age children and I could hear it from my house.

No more “What are we doing today, what are we eating, who is coming over, can you drive us here and there?” The kids are all safely behind the school gate and for a few hours at least there is finally kid-free space.

But what if that was the case all the time?

A Melbourne woman made the controversial suggestion on TikTok that we create “adults only” suburbs in Australia so she can have some “peace and quiet”.

The woman, who goes by the name Baby Soja online, had been for a swim at her local pool. Her visit coincided with the last week of school holidays and it was crazy. There was the usual outrage. “You used to be a kid, too” shouted back fellow TikTokers but there was also a lot of support, and most of it came from parents.

@soybabie__

I know im evil but theyre SO loud please i want peace and quiet are there adults only pools in melbourne?? #fyp#kidfree#childfree

♬ original sound - Baby Soja

I think it’s a brilliant idea.

I love my kids. I love their company but I don’t love the sound of someone else’s screaming child.

I’m not disgusted by the idea of swimming in a pool where my kid has peed but not so keen on the idea of doing laps in someone else’s urine, and if I’m by myself at a cafe, I will always make a bee line for the table away from the toddlers.

I recently took my kids to one of those art installations where the work of famous artists is projected on the walls.

All my three year old wanted to do was run around, chasing her shadow on Monet’s Water Lillies.

I found myself shushing her as high-falutin’ arty types glared at us, preferring to take in the exhibition in contemplative silence.

Edwina Bartholomew said she’s not keen on doing laps in someone else’s urine.

Fair enough. The me-before-motherhood would have wanted that as well. If only they had a kids-only/adults-only session where everyone was catered for.

You quickly learn as a parent that while you think your kids are funny, others probably don’t, while you think it’s amusing to chat to a toddler on the phone, no one else does and while you find books and colouring pencils spilling off your cafe table cute, the poor sod next to you does not.

Funnily enough, the most common feedback I get on this column is from older parents who look back fondly at the memory of the mayhem.

I like to imagine they are reading this from the edge of the adults-only pool, daiquiri in hand. I’ll be there soon enough.

 For now, you’ll find me in the paddling pool praying the swimming nappy holds. Keep a wide berth, Baby Soja.

Originally published as Edwina Bartholomew: Adults only suburbs a ‘brilliant idea’