Edwina Bartholomew: 18 things we’ve learnt in our first 18 months as parents

Parenting is a wild and wonderful ride and I wouldn’t change a thing, says Edwina Bartholomew.

We reached an important milestone this week; 18 months as parents.

It’s been a wild and wonderful ride. Here are the 18 things we have learnt in that time, in no particular order, kind of like my baby brain.

You will have an uncontrollable desire to show everyone photos of your baby.

No one really wants to see those photos … outside the family WhatsApp.

The second you dress your child in a lovely outfit they will soil themselves in the car seat.

You will only notice vomit/poo/spit on your own outfit two hours after leaving the house when it’s too late to change

Things you used to find annoying about other people’s children, you now just find cute and adorable.

Other people still find them annoying. Particularly if you are sitting next to them in a quiet cafe and your child is the one throwing food on the floor.

Edwina Bartholomew and her baby girl.

Don’t judge parents who give their kids iPads or phones at a restaurant table. It will be you one day.

The Witching Hour is a real thing.

In fact, all the things other parents tell you about and you think will never happen in your family, eventually will.

If in doubt, add cheese. If that doesn’t work, just serve cheese.

Your child may be advanced but they probably aren’t.

Your brain may never be the same.

Neither will your bladder.

No one wants to hear your birth story in infinite detail.

Your baby’s first smile is most likely a fart but it counts anyway.

“Where is your nose?” is the only conversation starter you need for now.

The days are long. The years are short. The showers are shorter.

“The juggle is real” is not just the token name of a weekly column, it’s your new reality. Some weeks you will have the proverbial together but most weeks you won’t.

18a. Anyone who looks like they do, is lying through their teeth or pretending for the benefit of social media. They actually had toast for dinner.

Originally published as Edwina Bartholomew: 18 things we’ve learnt in our first 18 months as parents