Should you actually date someone based on their star sign?

Here's what the experts had to say

And should you discount someone with the 'wrong' sign? Image: Pexels

Is astrology the perfect node for matchmaking, or is it unrealistic to assume someone's personality and future compatibility based on twelve zodiac signs? While some of us need a sense of order and predictability within an otherwise chaotic dating space, Georgia Grace investigates whether there is any substantial backing behind righting someone off because of their star sign. 

Dating is pretty intense. Meeting someone you're not only attracted to but compatible with can feel like you're squeezing into an impossibly small wedge in the Venn diagram of love.

Most of us have been there – we think we've found the one – but after a few months of dating, the misaligned values emerge, and we question how compatible we really are. Given dating and relationships can feel so risky and uncertain, it makes sense that many of us turn to another source to predict the success of a romantic relationship before we invest our time and energy— cue: astrology.

More people rely on their star signs in the early stages of dating. But is zodiac compatibility just a good excuse for conversation when you have nothing else to discuss, or is it the perfect blueprint for finding love? I have no clue, and I'm entirely unqualified to comment on this, so I enlisted the help of actual experts.

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First up, why are so many of us turning to zodiac signs of a first date?

My clients will often analyse zodiac signs to make sense of the behaviours or characteristics of the people they're dating. And while conversations about astrology are becoming more mainstream – it's certainly not new.

Astrology has been around for centuries. I mean, stars aren't new. Put simply, astrology claims that the alignment of celestial bodies at the time of your birth can influence your personality, preferences, and even your fate.

The allure of astrology lies in its simplicity. It categorises people into twelve distinct personality types, each associated with a zodiac sign. Matt Galea, author of How To Spot The (Star) Signs says; 'Astrology gives us an insight into not just each other's personalities, but how we operate in relationships and therefore, who will be better suited to us.'

Most of us do well with a sense of order and predictability in an otherwise chaotic dating world. Galea says people find comfort in knowing that there's a framework to assess compatibility: 'As much as I hate labels, in some instances, they can actually be super helpful. And that's what astrology provides for us, a bunch of cosmic sticky labels that we can pop on each other to help us navigate our way through the world of dating.'

'Is zodiac compatibility just a good excuse for conversation when you have nothing else to discuss'? Image: Pexels

Should you break up with someone if you’re not astrologically compatible?

Many dismiss the idea of using star signs to determine romantic compatibility as pseudoscience. Galea somewhat agrees with the sceptics, "Astrology is a guide. It's not gospel. I would certainly never recommend that you write someone off solely based on their star sign. Astrology arms you with knowledge of how a person is likely to behave, but there are times when people aren’t true to their sign, or other parts of their chart are more influential than just their big three (the sun, moon and rising signs)."

Astrology relies on broad generalisations about personality traits and behaviours based on someone's star sign. It doesn't consider the myriad factors that influence an individual's character and compatibility with a potential partner.

People are complex, shaped by their upbringing, experiences, values, personal growth, therapy... Galea urges us to remember, ‘astrology is very nuanced, and so are us humans. Basically, if you're feeling the vibes with a date, but your signs are incompatible, follow your gut instincts and go with it anyway. Defy the stars!’

‘Astrology is a guide. It's not gospel. I would certainly never recommend that you write someone off solely based on their star sign.' Image: Pexels

How do you know if you’re compatible?

Galea says that generally, "Signs that belong to the same element tend to mesh well together because they think, feel and operate in similar ways, and so they're able to form a stronger connection.

Water signs (Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces) should swim towards their fellow water signs, fire signs (Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius) burn bright with other fire signs, air signs (Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius) take flight with their airy comrades and earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) find common ground with other earth signs.

But this isn't a hard and fast rule! For example, some water signs find that the overflow of emotions might become too intense, so they might need an earth sign to ground them in reality. This is where other parts of your chart come into play, such as your moon sign (which rules your emotions) and your Venus sign (which represents love)."

Signs that belong in the same element, typically foster stronger bonds. Image: Pexels

What are the most notable traits?

Writer and Astrologer, Lauren Payne managed to sum up each sign in three words but urged, "When it comes to looking for a compatible partner, looking at not just their zodiac sign, but their entire birth chart can give you a good idea about how they act, process information, and communicate. You should also look at the element and mode of each zodiac sign as well, as that will be able to tell you if there’s a higher likelihood that you’ll argue a lot or if you’ll be able to balance each other out."

Eat your heart out:

• Taurus: luxurious, intellectual, purposeful

• Gemini: curious, flexible, social

• Cancer: observant, open, supportive

• Leo: warm, welcoming, nurturing

• Virgo: inquisitive, analytical, open

• Libra: artistic, communal, mindful

• Scorpio: passionate, casual, protective

• Sagittarius: original, liberated, active

• Capricorn: ambitious, practical, resourceful

• Aquarius: wise, eclectic, imaginative

• Pisces: whimsical, thoughtful, compassionate

• Aries: motivated, independent, determined

'Not just their zodiac sign, but their entire birth chart can give you a good idea about how they act,' says Payne. Image: Pexels

The sign you’re not compatible with?

As a 'headstrong Aries', I've been told by many to steer clear of water signs, my hairdresser warning it will never work with a Pisces. Payne agrees with him: "A fiery Aries placement may not pair well with an emotive Pisces placement, as an Aries tends to be more of a doer. They may forget to consider the Pisces' feelings, which could make the Pisces feel unheard. Moreover, a Pisces placement may spend a lot of time dreaming and distracting themselves instead of facing their problems head-on, which may infuriate the Aries."

Galea makes sense of this; "Mixing fire signs with water and earth signs tends to be a dicey mix. Water signs are sensitive souls, and earth signs take zero BS from anyone, so their chaotic energy is likely to clash with water and earth.

"As for air signs, their flaky nature will be a major headache for water signs who need to know where they stand in a relationship. They won't fare well with earth signs either, as they like things to be structured and orderly, whereas air signs refuse to be shackled by anyone."

And whilst this rings true in my previous relational dynamics – we can’t ignore that compatibility in a relationship is a multifaceted concept that cannot be reduced to a single factor, like a star sign. It involves emotional, intellectual, and physical compatibility, shared values and goals, and communication skills. The list is infinite. Reducing the search for a compatible partner to star signs oversimplifies the process and can lead to missed opportunities for meaningful connections.

'Reducing the search for a compatible partner to star signs oversimplifies the process.' Image: Pexels

Could we sabotage great relationships before they begin?

One danger of relying on astrology for dating decisions is the self-fulfilling prophecy. Suppose you believe that your date’s star sign is incompatible with yours. In that case, you may unconsciously sabotage the relationship, attributing any problems to astrological differences rather than addressing underlying issues and developing conflict resolution skills together.

Instead of turning to the sun, moon or rising signs in session, we’d develop communication tools, conflict resolution processes and skills to understand others better. By gaining insight into your own strengths, weaknesses, and values, you can make more informed decisions about potential partners.

We are constantly changing and evolving – it’s important we allow others to surprise us too – moving away from rigid and perceptive personality traits. Time, life experiences, and even a solid dose of therapy can lead to shifts in compatibility. So, if you’re into someone, try not to dismiss someone based solely on their star sign.

Speaking about your zodiac sign can take the conversation deeper than the classic ‘What do you do for work?’ or ‘Wow, it’s so hot lately…’ And hey, if you’re having more insightful and in-depth conversations, then why not? But you won’t hear me tell my clients to run away from a Gemini.

Originally published as Should you actually date someone based on their star sign?