The 5 minute coffee hack that saved me from divorce

 It not only saved our marriage but completely transformed our relationship too.

Four years ago my husband and I were thinking about divorce like most parents who are busy juggling kids, work and managing the household.

We started to wonder if this is what a relationship is meant to be like? We even questioned divorce for the first time ever.

In between working, dinner, baths and cleaning the house, it felt like there was no time for us to talk and share what was on our minds. When we did talk all our conversations seemed to revolve around parenting, bills, food shopping, and comparing and arguing about who was doing the most or not enough.

When I ask couples what their biggest challenge is, communication comes up almost every time. When couples feel like they don’t have time to communicate, women often feel like they can't express themselves, they feel misunderstood and don't feel heard. Men are left feeling like nothing they ever do is good enough and like they are not appreciated for what they are doing.

A simple five-minute coffee check-in every day can fix this common problem in relationships. I truly believe the difference between a successful relationship and a failing relationship is that they check in with each other regularly, NOT just when they’ve had enough and are ready to check out.

I started using our morning coffee as an opportunity to deeply connect and communicate. It not only saved our marriage but completely transformed our relationship. Why? Because this hack is more than just a caffeine fix; it's a relationship hack that keeps us connected, even in the midst of life's chaos.

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Image: Supplied

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It's a time to communicate and check in with each other

In just five minutes a day, our coffee check-in ensures we communicate openly, connect with each other, and are on the same page with what is happening in our lives. P.S. If you’re not a coffee drinker, it works with tea too.

We begin with open communication about how we are both feeling in ourselves and within the relationship. The intention is to LISTEN and take turns sharing for one minute or less.

The second part of this process is to reflect on recent positive aspects of your partner or positive experiences that have strengthened your connection. The intention is to appreciate and celebrate each other first before correcting.

The third part of the coffee check-in is to create a safe space for your partner to express any concerns, worries, or unspoken thoughts. It's essential for both partners to feel comfortable and safe sharing openly. The intention is to hold a space of non-judgement for each other.

The fourth element is to explore your personal and shared goals. It helps you to align your vision for the future and stay connected in pursuing your dreams together. Communicating your needs and brainstorming ways to support each other and ensure both your needs are being met is vital at this point.

Finally, we decide what actions need to be taken, if any, and allocate or schedule them. For example, you may need to schedule a date, adjust your priorities etc.

The final step in the process is all about getting clear on the tangible action steps you need to take and deciding on the best solutions together.

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5 questions we use to fuel our meaningful conversations & deepen our connection

• How are you feeling about yourself and our relationship?

• What are you loving about our relationship, what is working?

• Is there anything on your mind that isn’t working that you haven't shared?

• What is important to you this week and how can I support you? What do you need?

• What actions do we need to take after this check-in? 

Image: Supplied

This is your reminder to check in with your partner. My husband and I do this every single day now because it feels so good and we instantly feel more connected. But even once a week will make a positive difference and is better than not at all. I promise if you check in for just five minutes a day, every other area of your life will benefit too.

You can download a FREE copy of ‘The 5 Minute Coffee Check In’ here.

Aston is a Relationship Coach who helps women and couples to deeply communicate and connect and recreate their relationship after having kids.

To connect with Aston follow her on Instagram, listen to her Podcast, Worthy Woman, or visit her Website for more.

Originally published as The 5 minute coffee hack that saved me from divorce